The mesmerising melody of Adele’s voice on my playlist takes yours truly down a memory path, one of “what if”. Quite a common phrase, innit? A phrase that is unimportant, doesn't come to mind until we falter or have a misstep and then it suddenly becomes gold, floating nonstop in our heads and making us see things—possibilities.
Different scenarios play out in our heads, good or bad, like we're the god of time and can live through these scenarios and bend them to conform to what we want. Sadly, we are not. We're humans and our imagination is the best comfort seat to twist “what if” whichever way we want. Ultimately, we get one chance. Just one. And in some cases, we may be lucky and get another. Still, we misuse it and retreat back into the bubble of “what if”. An unending circle that never gets old.
My phone wouldn't stop buzzing one time so I switched it off to find peace and quiet. That, I treasure above all else as I reflect on reasons why a full grown adult with a stable life and bulky wallet decides to spin tales—shocking and dramatic ones—in exchange for something that's mine.
Notice the mention of ‘stable life’ and ‘bulky wallet’ there? Yes. What more can an individual ask for, right? Yet, typical of humans, we don't see what we have and lunge for what is beyond our reach. The other side is more appealing! That excitement (a dangerous one) to hunt down and take what belongs to another never lets go. It only gets stronger and fades when fed.
Then we lose that which truly belongs to us and it becomes chaos! The hustle and bustle begins, to get back what the wind has blown away because there was no guard or cover around it. At that point, I know it’s time to walk away. A sane and full-grown adult shouldn't do that. Still, we do.
In this case, there's no point waiting around. He knows. And he's shocked that it's actually happening—she’s up and left, without a word! Thank goodness for tech, he can always reach me and so my phone starts blowing up.
I was listening to Taylor Swift's Back to December months later and all the drama came flooding back.
I'd no idea the song was about the famous artist and the actor Taylor Lautner until I checked the details online. What actually piqued my interest about the song is the message of “what if”.
The two Taylors were formally in a relationship, they break up, Swift realises she misses Lautner and writes him a fine, touching song, wishing she never broke up with him. I'm scratching my head at this point and wondering ”Then why break up? What led you to call it quits?”
I guess I'll never know but her lyrics capture my inner turmoil at the time,
Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright
When the calls stopped due to ‘no answer', texts similar to Swift's lyrics start to come in and then I realise the truth in the saying a bird in the hand is worth more than those in the bush. Not that I'm saying I'm a bird but I hope you get the analogy.
All energy was then channelled into returning to the status quo. What was before became valuable, most treasured and the desire to have it all back was almost overwhelming. That caused my alarm bells to ring. And the wisdom stuck to me—we don't value what we have until it's lost.
Reminiscing, would he have valued the connection if given the chance again? I came to the conclusion that what wasn't cherished at the beginning would never be at any point in time. “What if” becomes pointless, a warped feeling of ‘believing’ or ‘hoping’ they could do better if given another opportunity. I'm not so sure about that.
Anyways, there goes my reminiscing down memory lane, back to a time when some experiences became life lessons, imparting much-needed wisdom. How else can we grow? I hope you enjoyed the music at least. Ms Swift is a fine singer no doubt. Forget about the drama associated with the song. I do.
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