I have been wanting to read books by the French author, Annie Ernaux, since she was awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature in 2022, but I never got around to it until about a week ago. I was scrolling through my reading list on Everand and came across Ernaux's book, Simple Passion. Since the book is short, 80 pages, I gave it a go. It took me one afternoon, in between daily routines, to finish it.
I've been a Scribd, and later Everand's subscriber since 2018.
I'm blown away. Some books tell a story. Simple Passion does not. Instead, it captures her obsession with a man in its purest form. In this book, Ernaux presents a raw, unembellished account of her affair with a married man. This is an autofiction. Yes, it's autobiographical with elements of fiction woven into the story.
The affair took place in the 80s, and I made a quick calculation. Ernaux would be in her late 40s when these events took place. Ernaux was divorced with two sons. The man was a lot younger, and I thought that was hot, but I digress.
Ernaux's writing is fragmented, which surprised me. They bear resemblance to my (fiction) writing style. Ernaux's narrative is not chronological. It's like she's jotting down memories and insights as they come to her. This rawness is what makes Simple Passion so devastatingly honest. She confesses:
I am incapable of describing the way in which my passion for A developed day by day. I can only freeze certain moments in time and single out isolated symptoms of a phenomenon whose chronology remains uncertain—as in the case of historical events.
Like I mentioned, this is my first Ernaux book. I wouldn't say I love the language (perhaps the translation from French loses something), but I do admire the way she lays her experience bare. Ernaux wrote without using big, bombastic words and without self-pity. She stripped unnecessary details, and it's brutal in the best way.
Her grief after her lover leaves for his home country is palpable. However, Ernaux doesn't indulge us with the details of her feelings. She shows us instead through her actions, through her emptiness in her daily routine, and through the strange ways she tries to keep him close even in his absence.
One day, lying on my stomach, I gave myself an orgasm; somehow I felt that it was his orgasm.
It’s as if they were one entity, inseparable, even when apart.
And then there’s the bargaining. The desperate, irrational belief that she could will him back:
If he calls me before the end of the month, I'll give five hundred francs to a charity.
She clings to the past by recreating moments as if reliving them could make moments repeat themselves:
If I went somewhere I had been to last year, when he was here—to the dentist or a staff meeting—I would wear the same suit as before, trying to convince myself that identical circumstances produce identical effects and that he would call me that evening.
Her lover did end up calling her one day, a week after the Gulf War was declared. After months of grieving for her lover, she finally got her closure. They had one last moment together, and that was the end of it. What remains now is her grief—for him and for the person she was when she was with him.
I had decided to learn his language. I kept, without washing it, a glass from which he had drunk.
I grieved with her. Not because I have lived her story, but because I have lived a version of it. I, too, have known an all-consuming love that was never meant to last. I have felt the bittersweet ache of moving forward without someone who once defined my existence. I have wondered, in private moments, what life would have been like if it had been him. If our child had been his. If he remembers me in passing thoughts, or comparing others to me. These are the kinds of things we don’t speak aloud, not even to our closest friends, but they remain, surfacing in the most unexpected moments.
One of the most striking passages in the book is this:
I do not wish to explain my passion, that would imply that it was a mistake or some disorder I need to justify—I just want to describe it.
In my opinion, this is what makes Ernaux's writing so powerful. She does not seek redemption or understanding. She does not attempt to explain away her feelings. She simply describes them, and in doing so, she gives permission to readers to experience them in their own terms.
Ernaux did not write this book to boast about herself or her lover. She wrote it as a gift to those who have felt this same kind of passion and loss. In her own words, it's an offering. As all great writers do, Ernaux knew that certain experiences are universal no matter how unique they seem.
I haven't written a book about him, neither have I written a book about myself. All I have done is translate into words the way in which his existence has affected my life. An offering of a sort, bequeathed to others.
And that is exactly what Simple Passion feels like to me—an offering. It lingers in my mind even days after I turned the final page.
Note: There is a movie adaptation if you are interested. It was released in 2020. I haven't watch it but here's the trailer. In the novel, Ernaux described that her lover look a bit like Alain Delon which was wow.
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