Hoy he estado cerca, muy cerca de volver a caer en los juegos de mi propia mente, pero he conseguido esquivarlo... va a ser una batalla larga y dura.
Y esque hoy ha sido un día... malo, en realidad desde ayer por la tarde.
Ayer por la tarde estabamos viendo una pelicula todos, pero bueno como habia a quien lo gustaba mucho, y recibió una llamada de su 'nueva amiga' y ahí ya empezó a echarme chispas la cabeza y a encenderme lentamente, ahora os explico todo y los participantes.
Y esque hara un mes mas o menos, no se a cuento de que pues le dio a mi mujer por ir a casa de su tia un fin de semana (todo seria normal y correcto, si su tia o practicamente toda la familia en si no fuesen los engendros que son, lo entendereis mas adelante), llevaria pues unos 5 o 6 años que no se hablaban, era una relacion muy forzada las pocas veces que se veian, porque esta señora, su tía, tiene la forma de ser que caracteriza a la mayor parte de esa familia, que es aprovecharse de quien pueden en todos los sentidos, economico, trabajo, todo... si un día te portas bien con ellos, automaticamente piensan que eres su exclavo y estas por y para servirlos, pero eso se termino hace 13 años cuando aparecí yo, por eso me odian tanto todos, desde entonces ya no la mueven a su antojo como si fuera un muñeco.
El caso, es que le hablo de que estaba trabajando limpiando unas casas que embargaban, que le pagaba un intermediario, que el intermediario dependia de un inversor.. blablabla.... sé de quien viene, que es de esta señora, sé a lo que dedica y como se lo monta (le interesa llevarse a mi mujer, en primer lugar porque esta sola y no tiene a nadie (por algo será), y en segundo lugar para que ella haga todo el trabajo sucio por unas monedas, que se lo que hay que conozco a esta gente, le prometen oro y al final basura.
Vale, me lo dijo, y le dije que aparte de que no entendia eso, no tiene mucho sentido, pero vale aun así, si tanto dinero hay de por medio, que quede claro lo que va a cobrar como y cuando.... bien, aquí empezó mi guerra personal.
Su querida tia (al igual que toda su familia) son maestros de absorver y manipular a la gente, y lamentablemente mi mujer se deja manipular e influenciar, tarda en darse cuanta de las cosas, no las ve venir... yo siempre las veo con antelación, en este caso no es muy dificil 😜
Hace 2 semanas o 3 no me acuerdo, fue un par de dias por la semana, a no hacer nada, simplemente porque la señora queria compañia, vale, me dijo que el intermediario ese que le habia pagado 150€ por el desplazamiento y comida blabla... y que ella le dio 100€, vale aquí ya se delató todo para mi.
Esa gente no te regala 1€, le va a dar 100€ a ella por haberla acompañado y ella que pagó gasolina y comida se queda con 50€? Noooo señores, le esta comiendo la cabeza, es parte de su juego, es lo que hacen, te van absorviendo sin que te enteres, te cojen en momentos bajos, de necesidad, de mal estado animico... y te absorben.
Vale, pues ahí el 2º dia le dio esos 100€ y lo del dia anterior, le dijo que aun no se lo habia pagado el intermediario ese, al dia siguiente recuerdo que la llamo antes de las 8 de yo ponerme a trabajar para decirle que aun no le habia pagado... obviamente parte del proceso de comerle la cabeza.
Hasta que unos dias despues, ya no se supo nada mas, ni del dia pendiente ni de nada. Perfecto, pues la semana pasada, semana santa, se fue practicamente toda la semana al mismo sitio a limpiar la casa esa, pintar, y no se que mas peliculas, vale, el sabado cuando volvió me dice, me acaba de pagar 300€ solo por hoy, y yo le dije, ajá y el resto? pues que el inversor esta fuera, y que esta adelantando el dinero el intermediario blabla.... osea, que volvemos a la misma jugada del primer dia, te pago el ultimo dia, lo que me interesa, el resto quedan pendientes, hasta que te olvides.
Y la veo absorvida, se lo noto, esque esto lo he vivido ya mas veces con ella y con diferentes familiares suyos, el proceso es siempre el mismo, las formas son las mismas, el fin es el mismo....pero mi cabeza aunque es la misma, se manifiesta diferente, antes yo esto lo cortaba por lo sano, directamente, sin callarme con nadie y con las cosas claras... ahora no, desde hace unos años decidí no meterme en esas cosas, y eso tiene como consecuencia que mi cabeza se maltrate a si misma, pues lo que antes expulsava ahora lo intento digerir.
Y hoy se lo volvi a decir, bueno me pregunto ella que me pasaba, porque estaba raro, y si desde ayer estaba envenenado, y le dije, que ya lo sabia que esto ya se lo dije varias veces, pero se lo volvi a repetir, pero ahora mismo esta en ese punto de 'sometimiento' en el que no se le puede decir nada, asique ya empezaba a caldearse y encenderse el ambiente... cojí y me fui a duchar, para refrescarme y que se pasara, y hasta ahora que vino hablar cnmigo no me habia vuelto a decir nada, pero ahí al mediodia, si no llego a irme a duchar, se hubiese liado grande, muy grande.
Pero os voy a decir como va a terminar esto, ademas aparte de contaroslo, va a quedar por escrito, y se lo voy a enseñar a ella en unos meses en cuanto se le pase este sometimiento absurdo que tiene. Esto no creo que dure mas de un par de semanas mas, espero que en un par de semanas vea que todo lo que le estan diciendo es mentira, volverá a abandonar a su querida tia, otra vez mas, y hasta dentro de otros 5 años que vuelva con alguna otra pelicula.
Pero os hablaba de confianza, si ya casi se me olvida y esto era a raiz de que hoy mismo, durante la mañana, mientras me trabajaba la cabeza, me di cuenta de que el problema, o la causa de que mi cabeza llege a esos extremos es la desconfianza, de esto os hablare algun dia cuando encuentre el momento, pero, pero hubo una época en la que la confianza se fue a 0... perdoné pero no olvidé, no puedo olvidar, soy incapaz de olvidar, y a la minima resurge en mi ese sentimiento de desconfianza que es raro y dificil de explicar, os lo explicaré un día.
La confianza lo mueve todo, absolutamente todo, es lo mas importante en una relacion de amistad, de pareja, de lo que sea, la base de una relación es la confianza... pues la mia se quedó muy tocada, y hay veces o momentos en los que se apodera de mi otra vez, y cuando ese sentimiento sale a la luz, yo me comporto diferente.
Enfin, hoy me pase escribiendo, como veis escribo sin pensar, cosas sin sentido, no pienso lo que escribo, solo suelto lo que pienso o tengo dentro en el momento de escribir..
English
Today I was close, very close to fall back into the games of my own mind, but I managed to avoid it... it's going to be a long and hard battle.
And today has been a... bad day, actually since yesterday afternoon.
Yesterday afternoon we were all watching a movie, but since there was someone who liked it a lot, and she received a call from her 'new friend' and that's when my head started to spark and slowly turn on, now I'll explain everything and the participants.
About a month ago, I don't know why my wife decided to go to her aunt's house for a weekend (everything would be normal and correct, if her aunt or practically the whole family were not the monsters that they are, you will understand later), it would take then about 5 or 6 years that they were not speaking, it was a very forced relation the few times that they saw each other, because this lady, his aunt, has the form of being that characterizes most of that family, which is *to take advantage of whom they can in all the senses, economic, work, everything. ... if one day you behave well with them, they automatically think that you are their slave and you are for and to serve them, but that ended 13 years ago when I appeared, that's why they hate me so much, since then they no longer move her as they please as if she were a doll.
The thing is that I talk to her about how she was working cleaning houses that were being foreclosed, that she was paid by an intermediary, that the intermediary depended on an investor... blablablabla.... I know who it comes from, that it is from this lady, I know what she does and how she does it (she is interested in taking my wife, firstly because she is alone and has no one (for some reason), and secondly for her to do all the dirty work for a few coins, I know what I know about these people, they promise her gold and in the end garbage.
Ok, she told me, and I told her that apart from the fact that I did not understand that, it does not make much sense, but ok even so, if there is so much money involved, let it be clear what she is going to charge as and when..... well, here began my personal war.
His dear aunt (as well as his whole family) are masters of absorbing and manipulating people, and unfortunately my wife lets herself be manipulated and influenced, she is slow to notice things, she does not see them coming... I always see them in advance, in this case it is not very difficult 😜.
2 weeks ago or 3 weeks ago I can't remember, she went a couple of days a week, to do nothing, simply because the lady wanted company, ok, she told me that the middleman that had paid her 150€ for travel and food blabla... and that she gave him 100€, ok here everything was already given away for me.
These people don't give you 1€, they will give her 100€ for having accompanied her and she who paid for gas and food gets 50€? Noooo gentlemen, they are eating her head, it's part of their game, that's what they do, they absorb you without you knowing it, they catch you in low moments, of need, of bad mood... and they absorb you.
Okay, so on the 2nd day he gave her that 100€ and the previous day, he told her that he had not yet been paid by the intermediary, the next day I remember that he called her before 8 o'clock to tell her that he had not yet been paid... obviously part of the process of eating her head.
Until a few days later, nothing more was heard, neither of the pending day nor of anything else. Perfect, so last week, Easter week, he went practically all week to the same place to clean the house, paint, and I don't know what else, well, on Saturday when he came back he told me, he just paid me 300€ just for today, and I told him, aha and the rest? Well, the investor is out, and the intermediary is advancing the money, blabla.... so, we go back to the same play of the first day, I pay you the last day, what interests me, the rest are pending, until you forget.
And I see her absorbed, I can feel it, I have already lived this more times with her and with different relatives of hers, the process is always the same, the forms are the same, the end is the same .... but my head although it is the same, it manifests itself differently, before I used to cut it by the healthy, directly, without shutting up with nobody and with the clear things... now not, for some years I decided not to get into those things, and that has as consequence that my head mistreats itself, because what I used to expel now I try to digest it.
And today I told her again, well she asked me what was wrong with me, why I was strange, and if since yesterday I was poisoned, and I told her that I already knew that I told her this several times, but I repeated it again, but right now she is at that point of 'submission' in which you can not say anything, so it was beginning to heat up and ignite the atmosphere .... I took and went to my room, and I told her that I had already told her that I had already told her several times, but now she is at that point of 'submission' in which you can not say anything, so it was beginning to heat up and ignite the atmosphere. ... I took and went to take a shower, to freshen up and let it pass, and until now that he came to talk to me he had not said anything, but there at noon, if I had not gone to take a shower, it would have been a big, very big mess.
But I am going to tell you how this is going to end, besides telling you, it is going to be written down, and I am going to show it to her in a few months as soon as she gets over this absurd subjection she has. I don't think this will last more than a couple of weeks, I hope that in a couple of weeks she will see that everything they are telling her is a lie, she will abandon her beloved aunt, once again, and in another 5 years she will come back with some other movie.
But I was talking about trust, I almost forgot about it and this was because today, during the morning, while I was working on my head, I realized that the problem, or the cause of my head reaching these extremes is mistrust, I will talk about this someday when I find the time, but, there was a time when trust went to zero. ... I forgave but I did not forget, I cannot forget, I am incapable of forgetting, and at the slightest moment that feeling of distrust resurfaces in me, which is rare and difficult to explain, I will explain it to you one day.
Trust moves everything, absolutely everything, it is the most important thing in a friendship relationship, a couple, whatever, the basis of a relationship is trust... because mine was very touched, and there are times or moments when it takes hold of me again, and when that feeling comes to light, I behave differently.
Anyway, today I spent writing, as you can see I write without thinking, things without sense, I do not think what I write, I just let go of what I think or what I have inside at the moment of writing...