So this game, Supernatural, allows the player to communicate with an entity using your microphone. Communicating will allow you to get some clues if needed, know about the story, etc.. But this game will also listen to you at all times... and the noisier you are, the scarier it gets. Or at least the spirit will come at you either to jumpscare you or to kill you.

Anyway in this clip, it is very evident of how I literally forget about the instruction the second it was given. The microphone feature has started so that's my cue to shut the f up, but I wasn't mindful enough of my own volume haha.

This is how it is for me in most cases, not just in games, but in general.

Before I found out I had ADHD, I just blamed it on my PTSD to be so forgetful and not paying attention. Trauma fogs the brain and makes you be forgetful but even before I developed PTSD, I already had this behavior so I really didn't have any other explanations for that.

In my childhood, I remember being scolded a lot for not following instructions. I had a lot of those "NFI" marks on my quizzes and tests just cos I answered the exam without reading the instructions. I mean, of course for children, it happens. But for me, it seems like I never learn anything and continue to just not follow haha. And this is not on visual instructions either, applies to verbal as well.

Because of that, my teachers would think I was being rebellious, attention seeker, or didn't care about school at all. Especially in elementary school, there seemed to be a focus on following instructions.

They didn't really think there was something wrong with me though just because I wasn't failing enough for them. I would still excel in things that I liked doing. For example in extra curricular activities or in projects that I am really interested in. So, they just thought I was just being dramatic, naughty or whatever else you call it.

This behavior has also been evident in my teenage and adult years although they are lessened quite a bit since I already know that I forget things and instructions, therefore, making me pay a bit more attention to that area. I have also learned to deal with it by writing on planners, having notes, etc.

How it feels while gaming with ADHD

One of the reasons why gaming is good for people with ADHD (in theory I guess), is that video games make them focus. Not only because they're interested in it, but because they know that there is a direct consequence once your attention drifts away. Every decisions you make in video games affect the outcome. Hence, attention is necessary. More especially if they are playing in multiplayer games, where other people can see how they play and there's accountability for every player.

It is the same for me in gaming, which is why I play.

It won't even matter if I had taken stimulants or something, as long as it's engaging, it makes me focus.

While playing this game as well, I didn't take my medications because I know I won't need it. I do know that I can't give 100% of my full attention (compared to when I take my medications) but I also know that playing a horror game while on stimulants might not be a good idea lol.

At the beginning of the gameplay, I couldn't wait to start playing it, so I just wasn't listening to the cut scene and instead look at some other stuff there. You can also see how there were instructions given but I wasn't able to process it because I was distracted by the game settings lol.

But as the game progressed, I see myself being focused that I didn't even have to look around me (irl) or to have a song play in my head. I can only think of one thing: to do the next thing the game tells me to.

I have noticed that my focus drifts away when the game starts becoming boring and repetitive for me. A lot of times in the game I just had to roam around and find things and to trigger stuff so I can start finding things... so those became predictable for me at that point so I found myself started to sing or to hum in my head.

But yeah, despite the more focus, I still have those moments where I forget the stuff lol. I probably should try playing a horror game while on stimulants to see how I would react but I couldn't guarantee a calm gaming since stimulants already make me have a GO DO SOMETHING SOLDIER feeling.

Also that is another reason why you don't see me panic as much as other streamers/gamers when they play a horror game because the game itself keeps my shit balanced. (special mention to @gabrielatravels for pointing this out haha).

People with ADHD are calm whenever there's chaos/emergencies or when other people panic because that chaos itself just balances out our dopamine levels (and other chemicals that we lack) due to the adrenaline rush. I have seen myself not panic in real emergencies when others lose their shit and apparently that is because of ADHD... Maybe I can explain it more when I learn about this thing more or in different post but yeah that's basically it.