Depression can be likened to a snake creeping eerily through the grass. If you’re lucky enough, you could notice it on time and take measures to ensure that you don’t get bitten. But if you’re not, you’ll only find out when it’s too late.
This is something that happens even to the best of us, many people get depressed without even knowing it. It’s not something that can be deciphered simply by reading people’s faces, even those who smile and crack jokes with others might be suffering severe depression as well. No one is safe, and it can come for anyone at all, and at any time. This is why taking care of our mental health is very important.
I’ve had such a spell one time and it was at a period of my life when nothing seemed to be working out for me. This was shortly after my ND when I went for my one-year I.T. I told you earlier about how I turned down the opportunity to work at NBC (Nigerian Bottling Company) just so I could focus on furthering my career as a writer.
Well, it didn’t get all rosy and peachy immediately. At the time, all I had was my phone, I didn’t even have a laptop. When I made that decision, I was getting writing gigs and I foolishly believed that it would keep coming like that, without fail. I was wrong.
Not long after, I went for a long spell without getting any jobs. I scoured the internet looking for writing gigs, there were so many things I wanted to do, but the lack of money stopped me from doing them. I began to think that I made the right choice because I was certain that if I had gone to NBC as expected of me, I would have been working and earning good money at the time.
During that period, all I did was sleep and eat. That was the long and short of my day. And if there’s one thing I hate, it’s having nothing to do. I hate getting to the end of a day and not being able to point at one thing and say; “I achieved that today.” It always makes me feel like the entire day went to waste. Sadly, these were the kind of days I was plagued with, day after day after day. The only form of activity that got to do with writing that I did was here on Hive, but at the time, I wasn’t earning enough to justify my choice.
This period really messed with my mind to the point that even when I had a lot of time on my hands, I literally did nothing. I went for weeks without washing a single cloth, simply because I kept telling myself I’d do it next week, after all, I had time. I didn’t even sweep my room or make my bed. Coming online to social media, all I saw were my friends who were making waves, some were earning and talking about their doings, and those who had bought cars were always showing it off. But for me, nothing seemed to be working. All I wanted was to further my writing career and make enough money so I could sponsor my own HND education. That wasn’t too much to ask, so why did it feel so impossible to achieve?
Things began to change when I finally secured a writing gig with an international client. I was to write a novel for them based on a popular game. At the time, I was charging N1 per word, and using my phone to get it done was really difficult. But I managed to make it happen. Twenty-five thousand words! I did it on my phone!! That money wasn’t enough to get me a laptop, so I sold just about everything I could sell. All my digital assets, both on and off Hive, and I was eventually able to raise enough money to get the laptop.
And the moment I bought this laptop, my life took a dramatic turn. I hit deadlines faster and they were impressed and gave me more work. Over time, my rates went even higher. The last time I worked with that particular client, it was N4 per word. And then, not long after, I found Lightreader and I tried writing for them.
All these things got me pretty occupied, and I found that when I was working and earning, I didn’t have the time to think of other things. My main issue then was having so much time on my hands and not having what to do with it. Once that was solved, I started feeling better about myself. And till today, I still feel great.
But then, one can argue that I didn’t leave that experience unscathed. You see, I feel that I got my workaholic nature from that period. As it is, I’m scared of not having something to do. Any day when I don’t work, I’ll feel like something is seriously missing. It’s what makes me take on so much work and as I am, I can’t say no to jobs. Any work you bring my way, unless my plates are over-full, I’ll definitely say yes to you.
You might think this is a good thing, but it’s not. It has made me a bit of a loner, and it made me isolated from everyone because I’m always working. I don’t hang out all that much because I’m always working. And even when I tell people that’s the reason I can’t meet up, it feels like a lie even to my ears.
So, one of my goals this year was to learn to relax and say no. I want to have more fun and hang out more with my friends and loved ones. I want to travel and spend this money that I’m killing myself for. Because so far, most of it has been going to this school that has been sucking my blood…hehe. But sadly, for something that has been ingrained deeply in me, it’s a bit hard to shake it off. However, I’m certain that as long as I keep on working on myself, I’ll get better.
I’m not saying that I don’t want to work, I’m just saying that I don’t want it to be my everything. I also want to have a life outside. That is very important as well. That is something I’m looking to achieve this year, and I really hope that I succeed.
So, I guess I’m a work in progress after all.
