So it has been a while since I have written about this because enough time has passed that the situation has passed and for the most part I have come to terms with what happened as well as the fact that my ex now lives in the same town as me.
The things that happened like her hooking up with my now ex-friend didn't have a good result for anyone involved and just like I predicted, their "relationship" didn't end up going anywhere. He also burned a lot of bridges during that time and now is treated very differently by the people that were once his friends because of his actions. I take no pride in this nor did I make it happen. As I mentioned before I was humiliated by the situation and aside from a few very close friends it wasn't even me that told people what had happened. It was him that did this and I don't know if he was trying to beg forgiveness or appeal to other people but it didn't have the effect that he was hoping for. For the most part he is ostracized by the people that once were his friends because of his actions and although I do feel bad for anyone that this happens to, he certainly deserves it.
Since that time he has tried on multiple occasions to strike up a conversation with me but I'm not having it. There is no going back from what he did as far as I am concerned and there is no chance of forgiveness. I don't go out of my way to be mean to him or anything, I just treat him as if I do not see him and I do not know him whenever we happen to be in the same place at the same time. I am sure this makes him feel uncomfortable and he normally wont stick around for very long but he deserves every bit of this.
There is a thing in life that I find extremely important especially for men and it is called honor. Once you violate this unspoken pact it cannot be re-obtained, it is gone forever.
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The above quote isn't really applicable to me because for the most part, I was never really trying to get back together with her. She abandoned me in the past when I thought everything was going great. This caused a long period of heartache for me and I am not foolish enough to repeat that scenario. However, since she insists on hanging out at the same local pub that I have been going to for years I am going to encounter her every now and then. I do not go out of my way to be mean to her and have actually had a couple of good conversations with her. I do keep her at a distance though and when she reaches out to me for help with things I am reluctant to do anything for her. I have helped her a bit though, here and there because I am a nice person. I think the world would be a much better place if people were more "nice" but I have come to the realization recently that as far as favors or even helping is concerned, this is a one-way street with this girl.
To be fair I don't really need her help with anything because I am pretty self-sufficient, but there was a couple of times that I asked her for assistance with something and she didn't really do anything to help me out. It is obvious to me that I am just someone that she is going to use when she needs something, but other than that I am unimportant to her.
I was impressed with myself when about a month ago she started flirting with me a bit, touching me a lot and really showing interest in me and said to me that "there is a possibility that we could get back together." I don't know where this came from but I am pretty sure that it had a lot to do with the fact that at that time I had been dating a couple of girls in a row and while I didn't rub this in her face at all because I am not that kind of person, she did notice me hanging out with a couple of new girls and I guess this triggered a bit of jealousy on her part. I'm not saying that all women are like this, but it's kind of suspicious that she starts to show interest in me right at the same time that I am having a good time with a girl that is not her, don't you think?
When she proposed that we maybe try at getting back together my response was immediate, calm, and to the point. I told her "we are getting along now, I think it would be better if we just kept it this way." The topic never came up again and I am quite certain that I made the right choice there because history would repeat itself and she would have just used me until someone else came along and then broken my heart a 3rd time. There is no pain quite like heartache and it is something I am in no hurry to repeat in my life so I am completely certain that I made the correct choice here.
She is youngish, quite attractive, and has at least the possibility of being fun. Therefore, it really isn't a surprise that she is dating someone now and for the most part this doesn't bother me at all. There is a reason why I reacted the way that I did when she hooked up with my friend and why I am not reacting to this new relationship at all: I do not know this man and we are not friends. I am not attempting to have her never date anyone, I just don't want whoever that is to be someone that I am friends with. The "bro code" is something that even women adhere to and one of the main tenets of this code is that you do not date your friends' ex's. You just don't!
So when I see the two of them in public I am not at all upset about the fact that they are together. I actually am happy that they are happy together and it is good to see her laughing. I do not try to get involved in their conversations nor do I think it is wise or appropriate to become friends with whoever this new guy is.
One bad thing is happening though and this doesn't just relate to me. Since meeting this guy she is basically ignoring everyone else. This doesn't bother me that much because I never really spoke to her all that much anyway but it kind of shows the kind of person that she is. All of the people that she would previously talked to and had fun with well, she has totally turned her back, literally and figuratively, on all of them.
This is a terrible way of living your life methinks. When this relationship of hers ends, and it definitely will, those "friends" of hers will have a very real reason to be upset with her and I hope they don't just welcome her back right away. I say that the relationship will end because I did meet this guy once when he popped up on the scene and found out that he doesn't live here and that he is merely a tourist. Therefore, unless he is willing to uproot his life and move here, which is extremely unlikely, once his visa is up he will be gone.
I don't know how they met nor do I care. I presume it was Tinder or something like that because that's how almost everyone meets these days. I do think it is quite shitty for a person to completely ignore all of their friends once they get involved in a relationship especially if they (as is the case in her situation) continues to hang out with their new partner in exactly the same places that they were hanging out in before they met them.
I honestly with them both the best and I know that I am not lying about this because the other day when I was going on one of my beach "therapy walks" I asked myself "If you could have her back as your girlfriend right now, would you want it?" The answer on my part was no. I didn't even have to think about it for very long. I also asked myself "if you could have her in your bedroom right now, no strings attached, would you want that?" The answer to this question was also no.
So I'm over her, that's definitive. I do not want her back and I have also discovered that I am not physically attracted to her anymore . I think that was part of the reason why we broke up in the first place. I liked the other parts of the relationship though and I thought that she was kind and thoughtful and caring. Seeing as how she has behaved ever since moving here though, I now see that she is extremely selfish and unfortunately for her, this is likely going to result in bad times for her in the long run as more and more people start to realize that she is in this game purely for herself and you are just a tool to get her where she wants to be.
Whatever the end result is though, I will not be involved in helping anymore.