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“I was so glad that Robert has really been doing his work in all this inpatient EMDR therapy, because today could have been a tragedy instead of a comedy.”
This was Mrs. Thalia Ludlow, wife of Captain Robert Edward “Hell to Pay” Ludlow Sr., talking with Mrs. Maggie Lee, wife of Colonel Henry Fitzhugh “Angel of Death” Lee. Conversations like this were not uncommon as they encouraged each other in supporting their husbands in retirement in staying on the path of peace.
“So while we were at the commissary picking up the journals for the grandkids,” Mrs. Ludlow said to Mrs. Lee, “someone my husband used to know decided to start talking at him about why he hasn't been at certain political rallies and how it's my fault because I'm from San Francisco and of course, I'm a socialist.”
“Oh, so Covid-19 and the fact that he has nine people in the house to keep safe didn't even register,” Mrs. Lee said as she stirred the pot of spaghetti sauce.
“Not at all,” Mrs. Ludlow said.
“I noticed that you said it is someone Robert used to know – I know he didn't obliterate that man for talking smack about you,” Mrs. Lee said.
“No, they stopped associating because Robert was bored with this former associate, and see, when Robert is done, it is best not to get undone, messing with him. Even though he is past physical violence, there's all kinds of verbal violence possible.”
“Oh, dear,” Mrs. Lee said.
“So then, my husband smiled, and said, 'She's a lovely socialist, isn't she – but didn't your wife just leave your traditional behind in the lurch? Maybe you should try a socialist.'”
“Oh, no,” Mrs. Lee said.
“He wasn't done, either. 'You see, you think that because my wife is from San Francisco, she has to be a socialist, but since you are an uptight man from Smallwood, VA – well, again, your ex-wife might have details we need not assume unless we use your logic.'”
“Oh, no!” Mrs. Lee said.
“Big Robert and Lil' Robert really are twins; as baby grandson Robert says, it's just that stuff happens at hospitals,” Mrs. Ludlow said. “You mess with me, their mouths are going to make you pay. The difference is, Lil' Robert hits below the belt because he's five years old and three-foot-six – he can say the most devastating things, but he doesn't plan it. Big Robert? The old tactician enjoys sizing his opponents up and breaking them all the way down.”
“I know that man got himself off the scene as soon as he could,” Mrs. Lee said.
“His ghost managed to get what was left of his body and his ego out of the commissary just as fast as it could go,” Mrs. Ludlow said.
“At least he still had a body to work with,” Mrs. Lee said. “It's a good thing our husbands are dealing with their PTSD and their tempers.”
“I pray every day,” Mrs. Ludlow said.
“So do I,” Mrs. Lee said. “We just had someone swing on Harry here, get hog-tied, and their mouth literally washed out with soap for cussing in the hearing of your grandchildren. That just tells you what he could have done.”
“But, no killing in the presence of the grandchildren, either,” Mrs. Ludlow said. “Here's what the world and the dumber people in Lofton County have going for them: our husbands love God and their families a whole lot more than they are annoyed with the dumber people, and they've healed enough from what they spent decades doing in the Army not to want to do it in peacetime.”
“These folks need all the margin they can get,” Mrs. Lee said.
“They do, and all the prayers we can muster,” Mrs. Ludlow said as she turned off the heat under the spinach and onions.