“Look, I've read a lot of history and what I realize a man has to say if he wants to live a long time and be in good health is 'I'm not scared, but I'm also not stupid.' I'm just ten, so, this is a no.”
“Oh, come on!” nine-year-old George Ludlow said to his ten-year-old brother Andrew. “They can't be that hot!”
“There are a lot of red ones in there, too!” five-year-old Lil' Robert said.
“I'm with Andy on this,” six-year-old Grayson said.
All four of the Ludlow grandsons were looking at Col. H.F. Lee's jar of pickled peppers and all the pretty colors in it. George and Lil' Robert were for trying them out, but Andrew and Grayson were holding the line on 'no.'
Col. H.F. Lee was quietly observing this wonderful display of human personalities at work, with no intention of allowing the situation to get out of hand … he liked peppers so hot that by comparison, even jalapeno and cayenne peppers were like bell peppers.
However, true to form, oldest grandson Andrew was steering the Ludlow man-training unit right – for this reason, his grandfather Capt. R.E. Ludlow Sr. had nicknamed him “Lil' Captain.”
“First of all,” Andrew said, “We don't have Cousin Harry's permission, and while our grandfather is a whole captain and we would not dare get into his grown folks' food, Cousin Harry is a whole colonel.”
“Look, nobody outranks Papa!” Lil' Robert said.
“Not in his essential Papa-ness,” Andrew said, “but I'm just saying, the things you don't do to a captain, you definitely don't do to a colonel.”
“Well, OK, yeah, we wouldn't do that to Papa or Grandma, so, yeah,” Lil' Robert said.
“Oh, come on, Andy – that thing is full of peppers and he won't care if we try them!” George said.
“The second thing is, some things punish themselves,” Andrew said. “When we want something hot in our food, we pass the hot sauce around or the powdered cayenne. Cousin Maggie takes out one of these for a whole pot of Cousin Harry's food. I've seen her slice one of these, put it in the pot, stir it up, and just leave it. You can smell the pepper heat coming off Cousin Harry's food.”
“Wait,” George said. “Just how hot does one of those have to be in order to make a whole pot hot?”
“Well, some of them are really red,” Lil' Robert said.
“There's something called a Seven-Pot Primo,” Andrew said. “You can slice one up and make seven regular pots of chili pepper hot.”
“So basically, one of these is like touching seven hot stoves?” George said.
“That's probably the right idea,” Andrew said.
“Yeah, no – I was already at no because those are not ours, but I'm saying no again,” Grayson said.
“Yeah, I'm good,” George said. “We might have seven hot stoves in our mouths, and then have Cousin Harry mad – and Papa is in the house too?”
“Yeah, it's that last two parts,” Lil' Robert said. “I'm not scared of any food, but like you said, Andy – I'm also not stupid!”
“Let's just wash up and get ready for Cousin Maggie's food that is both good and safe for us,” Andrew said, and the Ludlow man-training unit, having passed its latest test, went on in victory.