One Of My Biggest Challenges
While I was growing up, life was very fun and sweet. I was surrounded by many caring people who made life meaningful. Those days, my friends loved being around me, I can't count the number of times people told me I was fun to be with.
There was a friend of mine who always told me she found it comforting to converse with me. Those days, except she doesn't have free time, she's always at my place. I was her confider then, she believed I was a very good listener.
Life was like heaven on earth, there's joy in being surrounded by people who genuinely trust, love, and care about you. Their presence in your life and the time they give is something huge.
Each time I have a nice time with my friends and family, each time I see smiles on their faces as we interact, I find joy. It makes me feel loved and fulfilled.
But as I grew up things changed.
Different situations hit me over the years that transformed my personality. Today, I find it so hard to interact with people. After exchanging greetings, the next thing I am expecting from anyone is to tell me what the deal is so we can finish up and part ways.
Situations have transformed me into a loner, I don't find the company of people appealing anymore. You may think it's normal but even my family at home doesn't interest me to relate with.
I don't know the last time I had a good time talking with my mother or siblings as family talk less of my friends. It's just so difficult, at least on social media I am trying but physically forget it. I find talking with people annoying.
My mom has complained about the way I often stay indoors alone to no avail. I just love my space, I don't just want to be around anyone.
Recently a friend of mine said, "Emreal you've changed, i no longer feel the vibes I feel when I am around you, you are always acting busy, it's written plainly on your face that you no longer care."
I smiled, all I could do was apologize, which I did. The truth is, I have changed, I know it myself. I have been trying so hard to get rid of this version of myself but it's as if I am getting worse. Anyone who tries to get close to me gets me angry. It's as if they are coming to distract me.
There was a day my mother came to discuss something very crucial with me. When she noticed I was not so interested, she rushed the conversation and left. That evening I felt so bad about my behavior, but I didn't want to be with or talk to anyone for long.
That relationship between me and my loved ones is gone. I have been trying to bring back the old me that loves being with people but it seems it's gone.
I know it doesn't sound like a big issue but come to think of it, how will I cope with my wife and children someday if this trait persists? It's definitely going to cause me a serious problem. The earlier I get rid of it, the better for me.
Please feel free to share your opinions with me, I promise I won't take them for granted.