Dust thou art, and unto dust thou shalt return (Genesis 3:19), is one of the most familiar phrases to the world, religious or not, it is an inescapable truth. We are born to one day, no one knows when, depart and have our bodies cremated or buried.
It is the only certainty we have, however we do not like to think about it, it is something that causes us fear, pain and even impotence.
As children we do not understand it, and we experience this pain with the death of our pets, grandparents, and we go through this process without even understanding what happens, only that we will not be able to see them again.
As a very young child I have vague memories of seeing my mom crying by an urn, she was pregnant with her third child, my brother Jesus. And there was nothing I could do to stop her from crying, she was crying because her father, my grandfather, was no longer with us. I didn't feel pain for not seeing my grandfather, I just wanted my mom to stop crying.
And so I grew up and understood what it meant to die. I had to learn this with the death of my pets, I took care of them, we shared time, we played and seeing them get sick and die without being able to do anything was frustrating. I remember crying a lot for them, especially there was a death that marked me that I decided not to have more pets, and it was a neighbor who ran over my dog Ricky.
It was so much that my dad fenced the house after it happened, but I didn't want to love a pet anymore. And it was like that until my sister gave me a pair of parakeets, which stayed with me for many, many years.
Before my grandfather passed away, the one who raised my mother (he had two moms and two dads), my oldest daughter had already been born and he had been a spoiled grandfather too, he gave us both pacifiers. I remember him clearly being in the hospital, seeing him get out of the hospital, arriving home, taking a bath and receiving a call while I was getting dressed, that call saying that he had just died and it was my turn to tell my mom the news.
From then on, I continued to live in fear of losing the people I love.
The cycle says that supposedly our parents leave first before us, so we are always afraid that day will come. I would dream and wake up crying and ask God to please take care of them.
My dad started to give us several scares, so we were always afraid that his day was near, we tried to be and take advantage of it, especially my brother his faithful companion pleased him in everything.
The day so scary came, he got sick and began to deteriorate, a week from that day, until July 11, 2023 at 3 o'clock in the afternoon my father passed away, we were all by his side, even aunts and cousins.
We said goodbye one by one while he was still breathing, he was already unconscious, although mom said that he reacted when he heard us, he had facial expressions that made it seem that he was listening to us, even though he did not have the strength to open his eyes or speak. I remember this moment very vividly, and I can't help crying, his life ended just like that.
No estuvo solo, estuvo en casa con toda su familia, en medio de oración y amor. Fue por así decirlo una muerte tranquila.
I immediately had to start with the paperwork, for the death certificate, the insurance, the funeral home, the burial permit and to buy the hole in the cemetery.
With no time to do anything but move around and prepare everything so that my mom could just get through the mourning, something that even today, a year later, she still can't stop crying.
And well, none of us forgets, or stops feeling guilty for smiling, for living, for still being here.
I understand as a mom that for sure my dad wants us to continue and be happy, because that is what I want for my daughters.
I still dream of him, new things or that terrible day, that changed us forever, and the chest hurts, it always hurts.
Translated with DeepL.com (free version)
Pictures of my Xiaomi Redmi 9C property.
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