About a year ago, when I lost my elder sister, it felt as if my world was coming to an end. I was so sure it was a bad dream and I lived in denial for so long. Anytime, I woke up from bed I went straight ask my mom if Maame was back because to me it was a bad dream and I only needed to wake up. It was so painful and I’m yet to experience anything close to that.
As I said, I lived in denial for so long. I just made up things in my head that she had traveled to a very far place with no internet and wouldn’t be able to reach out to us for a long time. What made it more painful for me was that she suffered so much before dying and since I was away from home, nobody told me about it. They only said she wasn’t feeling well, they didn’t give me any details.
I remember one week after l was told she was not feeling well was the week I was told she passed away. That particular day, I remember I was at work and very happy for completing a project. If you know me you’ll know I barely use WhatsApp but day, my fingers just opened WhatsApp and then I saw my brother posting my sister’s pictures with the dove and love emojis. I really thought he was wishing him a happy birthday in advance because her birthday was days away. I checked my mom’s status and she had posted my sister’s picture with crying emojis.
I was like eh, this woman and drama. I really thought they were probably planning a celebration without me since I wasn’t home so I called my brother to tell them to deliver my own cake to me. Right after my brother picked the phone, I was about to tell him “they are chilling at home eh” but he went first and just said Maame was dead. I remember it like yesterday. I was outside of the office and it felt like I was about to go mad. Suddenly I couldn’t see or hear anything. Everything was just blurry.
It took my colleague’s tap to bring me back to reality. There and then, I entered denial stage. I said no, that’s probably a bad dream and then I hanged up. I took my mind off it and went back into the office. When I went home, I called my mom and then she confirmed it. Okay okay, this wasn’t even supposed to be a sad post. It’s been what? A year and 2 months and they visited her graveside today and for some reasons I haven’t really been in pain. All the tears I’ve shed are happy tears knowing that she’s in a better place now and free from all the pain she had to endure through her illness.
Oh I’m still in denial, for me, she probably relocated to Iceland and is unable to reach out to us due to network issues and as long as I am fine with that, it’s going to stay that way. Thank you for letting me let it all out.