Life has its way of defining an individual's life; whether one loves it or not, you will have to adapt to whatever it dishes out to you. There are times I go out of my comfort zone and, likewise, out of my shell to achieve what I want. I am so obsessed with winning that I hate to lose, although there are times I have failed. I go back and do it again till I win. I just hate the word lose. I never plan to lose anything, but in life, we have a lot to lose. Only those who didn't give up will laugh last.
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Growing up, I was a timid young girl who lacked confidence. This contributed to my being introverted; I just always wanted to stay out of trouble because I knew I didn't have what it takes to fight back in case there was a fight. People, knowing this, took advantage of it and always threw dirty punches (insults) at me, and just because I couldn't stand for myself, I was always afraid.
The phrase "you never know until you try" came to fulfillment one day. The goal I had then was to be able to stand up for myself when needed and be free from bullying. It seems impossible because I have tried it countless times to no avail, and I do end up being afraid again. My parents are not the type that will follow a child to school to fight; my mom does tell me, "Handle it yourself; that's when you can stand your ground," but handling it myself was a tug of war.
It happened when I was in senior secondary school, the first term in SS2, to be precise. This is at the age where my friends don't see being respectful as a big deal, but because of my nature, I'm always respectful, even to someone I'm far older than. I hated this, but changing who I am was not possible. Then one day a scenario happened that changed me from being me.
During a free period when no teacher came for lectures, I sat in my seat reading my storybook. As usual, I had no friends except acquaintances. There are times I'm being passed the blame, and just because I'm afraid, I accept the blame and apologize, but I desperately needed a change. Suddenly, three girls who happened to be my classmates entered the class and came straight to my table, snatched my storybook, and one of the girls said, "I was told what you said about me yesterday during the misunderstanding between these two, pointing to her other two friends when our class teacher came around.".
One of the girls was my seatmate, while the other two were sitting behind us. There was a misunderstanding between my sitting partner and one of the girls a day before, and this got the attention of our class teacher, which made him come to the class. I was there when the issue arose, and the two girls were fighting while the one confronting me was not around that day. I told our class teacher what I witnessed and the part the one confronting played two days before.
I guess they have settled whatever issue they had between them and now want to pass the blame on me because our class teacher told them to inform my confronter, who wasn't around that day, to report to his office when she is back. She went to sew our class teacher and then decided to blame me for whatever the teacher said to her.
I sat down patiently looking at the three of them, and then finally, I replied, "I told him what you said; was that a crime?" You know how teenagers can be. Suddenly, she began to shout and wanted to draw me out of my seat. At this point, I was already getting pissed off and annoyed. She raised her hand to pull me out, then I slapped her hand off me. The other two girls were behind her.
"If you dare touch me again, it will be the last time you will try it. Are you okay?" Everyone looking at us was surprised I spoke that way. They had known me to be a quiet type who always apologized for every little thing. I stood up, walked out to her, and said, "I told him what you said, that's all." She was surely ready for a fight, but out of nowhere, she dragged my clothes and started hitting me. I retaliated, and that was my first fight ever. I never knew I could go to that length. Fighting is something I always avoid, but this time, I was so happy I fought.
We were called to our teacher's office, where we were punished, but mine wasn't much. She had the largest part of the punishment, and since that day onward, I have stopped being looked down upon. In any situation, I always stood my ground, and that doesn't change me from being respectful or quiet. But from that day on, I rejected bullying and hated to miss out on anything. Different comments were made the day I fought because people knew that wasn't me, but I was pushed to the limit.
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