“See, Vertran, the difference between you and me is that your mom's mom is super sweet. Your dad's mom is Velma Stepforth, just like that's my mom's mom, but that means your older sisters have a 50 percent chance not to kill you. I live with Vanna, so I've got to deal with her turning into Grandma Velma and Grandma Gladys, and Grandma Gladys is a Jubilee-of-the-mountain born.”
“Yeah, Milton, I was reading about the Shooting Conductor – Hubert Jubilee and all his descendants in the Appalachians. All of them just get longer guns as the centuries roll. Not to be messed with, at all.”
“That's the kind of mouth Vanna has, with the done-done attitude of Grandma Velma.”
“So, basically it's a long-range sniper combined with a steamroller.”
“Basically, Vertran.”
“But here's the crazy part, Milton – yeah, it's scary, but she's not wrong today.”
Nine-year-old Milton Trent and first cousin nine-year-old Vertran Stepforth were listening to days-from-18-year-old Vanna Trent get someone's entire life together.
“No, I'm not helping you get on – it's the wrong platform and we don't need to grow that bad! Keep your foolery on the foolery platforms for it – or get the discipline to figure out how do this that will help you tap into the real gifts God gave you to be in community and support yourself for real instead of the foolery!”
“Yeah, the foolery – that's Grandma Velma,” Vertran said. “This person must have been doing the foolery for too long.”
“And then got sniped by the Grandma Gladys side,” Milton said, shaking his head.
“But she's right,” Vertran said. “One thing I have learned about being Pop-Pop's grand-mogul at just nine: you gotta protect your platforms and your assets on them. All money is not good money, and the customer is not always right. Sometimes you have to block some customers and fire others.”
“Really?” Milton said.
“So, last week, somebody made the mistake of coming up on one of my pages talking about 'We're not going to let Baby Obama live and thrive' – by the time Dad and Pop-Pop got finished, not only was he blocked, but he and half his family and friends are in the hands of the FBI!”
“Is that what y'all are on over there?” Milton said.
“The difference between Jubilees-of-the-mountain and Stepforths is, we Stepforths have business to do. We'll let other people take you out. Jubilees-of-the-mountain just take care of the situation and save the rest of the world the trouble.”
“Look, you call me when you have something serious to say, and not before – when you care more about your future than to be doing the mess you are doing! You're smarter than this – don't call me until you are acting like it!”
“Grandma Velma blocked out Pop-Pop for ten years, to hear him tell it, until he got serious,” Milton said.
“Yeah, but see, Great-Grandpa Valiant Moore is a master teacher,” Vertran said. “In the end, Moores want you to learn.”
“It's good Vanna has that part, because Jubilees-of-the-mountain want you to die,” Milton said. “Trespass if you want to!”
“Well,” Vertran said, “they wouldn't be wrong on Hive, because Hive has a downvote. Not a good place to do foolery.”
“I guess not!” Milton said, “so really, Vanna is living her best Valiant Moore life with the grandma enhancements!”
“Basically,” Vertran said. “Once you understand how things work out here, the best thing you can do for people is not let them just bop up on the wrong platform and get destroyed.”