I used to be a reserved person, only speaking when necessary and standing up for myself when needed. People saw me as strong and composed, but deep down, I was emotionally weak and drained. I would cry when alone, remembering hurtful things people said about me and all of that which can be very demotivating.
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As I grew up, I learned to cultivate self-love.
I call it cultivation because I wasn't born with it and it took me years to realize it's absent in my life.
Self-love is simply the ability to prioritize yourself, accept your flaws, and appreciate your whole being, who you are, and where you are.
The advice I can give to someone at this time of my life is to love yourself and life wouldn't be that hard.
Like I said earlier I didn't practice self-love from the beginning, I used to be someone who cared too much about what people said about me, what people thought of me, and what they might do to me in terms of malice, gossip, and hatred.
Believe me, I used to hate it when someone didn't like me, a mere showing me ‘I hate your attitude ‘ I'll be so worried and start thinking of why you don't like me and what to do so you'll like me.
Also, I used to doubt myself, my abilities, and my values. Before doing anything, I would seek compliments and opinions from people who weren't even willing to give them. It didn't take long for me to realize that some of the people I loved and looked up to didn't truly love me back. Many of them were my friends, and even though my parents could point out the bad ones, I couldn't see it at the time.
After being disappointed multiple times, I learned to rely on myself, make decisions for myself, and discipline myself to the best of my ability.
Self-love is the most important kind of love. You can't expect others to love you properly if you don't love yourself. People will try to bring you down if you let them, by making them feel like you can't do anything without them. They'll use hurtful words and attitudes to discourage you. But remember, everything starts with YOU. Their words won't define you unless you allow them to.
Self-love doesn't mean being self-centered or heartless. It means appreciating the person you are, recognizing your value, and treating yourself with the same care and kindness you would show others. When your friends know that you value yourself, they won't disrespect you.
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When you love yourself, you'll appreciate everything around you and believe in yourself. You'll also discipline yourself to achieve your goals.
Recently, I had an encounter with a man at my school cafeteria. He mentioned that I looked familiar and then started asking about my studies and level. Once I told him my course, he began criticizing my department, talking about wicked lecturers and saying there was no future for me in the country. When I asked about his studies, he mentioned fishery and boasted about establishing a successful fish business to support his children abroad.
I didn't take his negative comments to heart because I've learned not to let others define my life. However, my friend who was with me felt really upset. She broke down and started doubting herself. I had to reassure her and remind her not to feel inferior just because of what she heard.
So I will conclude by saying that you shouldn't let people define your life or dictate your future. Only you have the power to shape your path.
Love yourself, and believe that you are beautiful, smart, and intelligent. And doing this life thing right wouldn't be too difficult.
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