A Sunday at the Playground: I watch my daughter grow up, and I can't get used to it... [A Weekend Experiences's Story]
Who has not heard from parents, grandparents, caregivers; or from people who are older than us the following words: "You grow up so fast.... I can't get used to this reality"? Well, life is an accumulation of experiences that seem determined to recycle themselves. Many people define existence in this way: as a recycling of experiences that are passed on from generation to generation. What your parents live, dream and experience today when they raise us, is what we will feel in the not too distant future, when we fulfil the role of parents... This short story/reflection is about that.
It's Sunday morning. I've had a terribly busy week. It's the run-up to Valentine's Day week.... Both in my office, and in my personal venture, these days are high demand. Orders, payments to clients; accumulation of stress... Wow, we all know more or less what I mean... The truth is that I have felt that my mind and my concentration have been focused on solving these problems of consumption and global marketing, which where I live and reside, is not usually different from wherever you live, dear reader...
In short, I have cast my daughter aside. Don't get me wrong, I haven't abandoned her or thrown her out; nothing like that. I mean I haven't played with her, nor have we talked much. We meet in the mornings to take her to school, and at the end of the afternoon-evening where I prepare dinner for her, send her off to shower and rest because the next day the routine is repeated again. As you can see, it's an automatism that doesn't leave much to mother-daughter relationships. She is my only daughter, so she tends to be more demanding than most children who share a sibling in order to drain the energies of everyday life....
You see, it's not easy being a single mother. It is the small guilt that we who have to adapt to this reality of life always carry on our shoulders. Sometimes the choices are hard, but they have to be made. I mean, either I have more time for my daughter, but I fail to provide for her financially and materially; or I get more busy with the day-to-day challenges of the average adult, and miss out on my child's growth... I have decided to be in the middle of both poles. That is, out of 24 hours in a day, I work 6 hours in an office, dedicate 4 or 5 hours to my online business, and the rest is for my daughter.
In this way we have forged a lasting bond. On the basis of trust, joy, fulfilment and above all camaraderie and fairness. As I see it, we are a team of two women. She is my confidant and my greatest treasure, and I am a reflection of what she aspires to be (imagine for a second having that responsibility). Now, since practically the beginning of 2024, I have been with my concentration and energies dedicated to work. I hardly go out (very little, actually) and I had not been able to take my baby to play in the playground; something that is a little tradition between us.
So, on Sunday, it was clear to me. Not only was I going to take her to one of her favourite places in the whole world outside the computer (yes, an evil of this century in all children; they are digital children) but I would admire her. And that action hit me like a lightning bolt. I mean, I swear it was less than two months that she and I hadn't really hung out, and today that I photographed her; I realised that she's becoming more and more of a child/teenager and less and less my darling little baby girl. Oh no, that makes my heart crumple in ways I can't even describe....
I suppose it's the natural evolution of things; the famous "flow of life". But it has a surprising impact on you. I, who live with her, who take care of her, who live with my beautiful girl every day, I notice her changes. How her body changes, how the centimetres that separate us get smaller and smaller; and even how her delicate and soft voice starts to become a little deeper? God, how can I explain it? I know I'll read like a cliché, but I would love to be able to stop time and just keep my baby girl for 5 more years, haha. I know illusory and impossible, but if anything this Sunday at the playground has had that epiphany that time is passing too fast....
"The essential is invisible to the eye", is a beautiful phrase I once read in a book that marked my life. And I believe that the essence of my beautiful daughter's childhood is slowly, inexorably fading away..... She, of course, doesn't notice anything nor does she know my opinion. This micro story is more of a public confession than anything else. An account of how to build a beautiful alliance between my daughter and me, her mother, but also a reminder of how inclement the passage of time is.... To love, to live, to enjoy, to feel, to share; to give. That's what I want my life (with her) to be about....