I've always had a bit of a difficult relationship with people. I remember asking in a post I wrote last year,
Is it alright if I walk away?
I have a habit of walking away when I recognize the cause to be lost. And it often creates moral quandaries because it's not always easy, and sometimes the people you're trying to walk away from tend to follow you. Ask why.
I've done that in friendships a couple of times. When the pandemic started, I walked away from a friendship of ten years. One I certainly counted as my closest relationship outside of family. On the surface, it was about the stupidest things. It was over Covid, but Covid was in its very early days. At the time, I don't remember thinking this is the argument that ends it.
But it was. And looking back, it was about so much more than just Covid, lockdowns, or any one thing.
My friend was (and is, for all I know) someone very driven, very top dog mentality. She was better than everyone, and let it be known in her relationships. Down the years, I'd watched her lose countless relationships over this bossiness, this overt superiority (or at least, the idea of being superior). She never understood why. She always thought, whenever someone left her, that they couldn't handle being with the greats. That they had to return to a lowlier level.
I'm sure she thought that when I left.
That break was terrible and a very long time coming. For years and years before, I came home drained after seeing her. She was incredibly judgmental and nothing I ever did received anything but derision. I remember I got my first real job during those last few years of our friendship. I was only 19 and I worked for this half-shady politician guy, local guy. I wrote stuff for him and he pretty much let me write whatever mostly 'cause I was young and cute and he needed filler content for his website. Worked for me.
'Cause even as it was mostly drivel, it was a new level of responsibility for me and I was very proud when that job earned me enough money to go abroad. All on my own money that I worked for. My friend never got the concept of not having money. Her folks were loaded. They worked hard to afford their princess everything. So she was always mocking and dismissive when I talked about that job. It hurt.
The weird thing was, I didn't miss it. I found it incredibly easy, once we stopped talking, to go on not talking. I didn't expect that. I reached out about a year or so after the rift. I was feeling lonely and vulnerable. She was polite but cold, and I knew it was broken forever. Down the years, I haven't really missed it or regretted it that much.
Looking back, I realize it was a relationship that no longer helped me grow. Only hindered me. And frankly, I don't see how it would've survived the next very divisive years, anyway.
After leaving, I eventually found my way to another friend of ours, one who'd stopped hanging out with us previously (also because she couldn't stand the first friend's superiority and attitude). And while we do have our disagreements, I feel a lot safer talking to this person than I did with my former friend. And I reckon safety matters a lot, if friendship is to endure.
I've only walked away from one other friendship in life, but it was much less serious. Over a difference of alignment. I still talk to that girl occasionally, on her initiative. I even saw her earlier this year after not really hanging out for a couple years. And funnily enough, that night confirmed I made the right call cutting this person out. At the time, I saw her as vain, superficial and materialistic. She was very tiring. She still seems to be and I don't have energy for that.
So,
Is it alright to walk away?
Think so. But my advice would be, think on it for a while. Don't underestimate the value of talk. A lot can be achieved by simply communicating your needs in a relationship, you know? If something bugs you. I think you should walk away when the situation is irretrievable. Or is causing you so much mental strain and anguish that it's not worth keeping.
I certainly don't think you should walk away over differences of nuance or tone if you connect with someone. Because the more yo go through life, the more you see you really don't meet that many people you truly connect with. So...
*When I saw the prompt for the #ThoughtfulDailyPost, I wanted to throw in my 2 cents. Thanks @wesphilbin for giving me something to mull over. :)
Have you had to walk away from a friendship to preserve your inner peace? Describe the factors and reflections that impacted this decision.
