I'm depressed and I feel like a failure, a disappointment. I almost don't recognize who I've become. I've alienated myself. It's like that song " I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing...". Like I'm floating and wading in the water. Now I'm not trying to woe is me because I'm well aware that it starts and ends with me. I BLAME NO ONE BUT MYSELF. But damn. Still trying to understand why Courtney my sister had to die so young. Paul was the greatest thing to happen to me and he's gone. All the people that supported me are gone and I'm mad as hell.
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