As the weather grows warmer, I've been enjoying spending more time on my balcony, with my plants. And for some reason, I wanted to tell you a bit about them.
I don't think this is precisely a bamboo stick/branch, but that's what I call it because it looks like one. If you know the name, do please share. Anyway, I have two actually, and this was a gift from my closest friend when I moved into my house. I take good care of them, but some weeks back, when I'd taken the bamboo out of the water to change it, it fell off my kitchen counter and all the new shoots that had been growing out of it tore off.
(What a strange, wonderful coincidence that the friend who gifted it to me texted literally as I was writing this.)
Anyway, I kept watching it and hoping for weeks but there was no new growth forthcoming. I worried I'd injured something essential for growing inside, and that now it was stunted. As it turned out, it just needed time to heal after its last fall before it could grow again.
Something I struggle with. I keep looking around, thinking why am I not seeing growth in certain areas of my life where I'd want it. Then I remember my own fall, I remember of course there was a long period where I didn't grow (in the ways I would've expected). I needed time to heal.
I recently read online that while popular, it's actually an ill omen to keep bonsai trees inside. It represents stunted growth, apparently. I was suitably miffed, as I quite love my little tree. Moreover, I'm quite proud of it. There was a time when it only had two leaves. Look at it now. Like my bamboo, it's got all these little shoots where new leaves are slated to spring.
I don't know if it does represent stunted growth, but maybe it can also represent growing in less than ideal circumstances?
Maybe, instead of seeing it as small and potted instead of earthed, one could appreciate its grounding, its resilience. The ability to thrive in a small apartment balcony, and not where growth would have been easiest (perhaps).
My Google Lens tells me this is a Dracaena plant. Devil tree. For a moment, I am stunned in how unspeakably appropriate it is. I got this sudden urge one morning. I just knew I had to go out and buy potting soil and (I thought) seeds. I did get those, and they're potted besides my little Devil tree. They're basil and rosemary, and things to feed and heal you.
But while at the store, this already potted tree caught my eye and I knew that was the answer to my urge, so I bought that as well.
I knew I wanted a place to put down all the complex feelings I carried for someone because I'd realized I couldn't carry them anymore. It almost felt ritualistic. I put on music, and I let myself sit and work in the fullness of my emotions. And weirdly enough (to be fair, I only half-believed in this theory of letting go at the time), I've felt unweighed by those emotions any longer.
Sometimes, I'll look at it to steady myself, when I need a reminder that all that I felt is still there, potted nearby. Safe. Because maybe if it wasn't here for me to see, I'd get all in a panic and try to unearth it again.
Sometimes, I look at it and remember beauty can grow from difficult places.
Next to my Devil, there's my basil. Store-bought. I bought the seeds for the others when I thought this one would die. It was in a pretty sad condition, but I took care of it as I could, and tried to cut the basil leaves to enjoy them before the plant died out. Yet it keeps growing. Somehow. Right now, it's got more leaves and more new growth even than when I bought it.
I'm so proud of it. But also of myself. That I was tender with it. Didn't tear the leaves. Allowed space both for myself to enjoy the gift, but also for the plant itself to bloom.
Last but not least, ivy in a borrowed, blue vase. It was my grandmother's. The vase. The ivy, I just bought. It costs about 15-20 bucks to get one that's already grown out and luscious. This one was about a dollar fifty, but I like it. I like that it will grow here. Hopefully.
I've been miffed at my ivy dying over the winter. I bought two small pots. Not to replace the dead, but because previous experience taught me some things and I want to do better. The other, in my bedroom, is already growing. Hopefully, this one also will.
Do you keep plants?
