My oldest friendship has lasted since I ws born. From childhood. I'd always thought thar I never wanted to be disconnected from my childhood pals as they are the closest I get to be remembered of that time in my life.
Another thing, I don't have it easy in the game.
Easy not in the sense that I lack people by my side, but in the sense that I did not pay much attention. I was neither intentional nor concerned enough. I am one to consider myself lucky for the people who have come in or are a part of my life as friends. I've never had to put in as much effort as they do.
Usually, I don't have many friends or maybe I don't don't see it. I'm only surrounded by a few good people. People who inspte of my indifference and nonchalant attitude consider it worthwhile to invest their energy in me whether or not it comes reciprocated.
I have thought about my relationships a number of times in the past year. The schematic shows my input is on the low. It is, yet it is not my fault. Aside from being a slow friend,I am a little forgetful. Out of sight best describes my behavior. I realized that months could go by without me calling to check on the people I consider friends and not ever do I go to visit them. Them? They call and visit me always. One time a few years ago, I remember my aunt had cautioned some friends of mine to stop coming to visit me. Her reason? They come around every other day and spend lots of time with me whereas I never had done same. I did not even know the location of their houses. She did not care that I disliked going outdoors. She concluded that it was unfair.
From calls, and to messages, and to visits, these people outdo themselves. Rarely do they make complaints about these bad side of me. Instead, they ask if I think of them as friends, which I used to consider absurd as I never think I give them any attitude that should make them second-guess what we have.
See, I can categorically say that, when it concerns friendships, I'm the luckiest person ever. I have very healthy friendships. You know, friends that care and come through at all times. Friends that, in my absence, even stay true to our bond. What more can I ask?
There aren't so many people I know nor call friends, but the few are amazing humans.
From assessment, I am the one who needs to do better, and so far, I've been trying my best to. It's not like other years when I said I would work on my that aspect but derail. This time, I am intentional and putting in the effort. You know what, I have a daily reminder to that effect. I get bored of it so many times since I think it's a little too 'extraaa', but I still go ahead. I must see that I have learned the act.
If I have to consider myself a friend, then I should be available, for the most part and not necessarilyphysically. I try my best to be that friend who is a friend indeed. It's a lot for me. It requires much work and intentionality, and I am giving it all. I have been shown so much value to not give equal measure.
But, I have a bad habit, I don't make so many friends. I stay committed, not out of choice but of character to keeping a small circle. Maybe just one friend in every space or location. And because I keep just that one person, I am unwilling to share, and if they are unavailable, I keep to myself. I do a fine job of keeping to me, but that is terrible cause, coupled with my poor social skills, I can't seem to make new friends. The only light in my situation is that I've never had to do much of approaching anyone to be acquaintances(or friends) with them. The reverse is usually the case. I might work on that aspect or not. But until then, I'll do as I can.
And until forever, i would keep appreciating the amazing gift of friendship that I enjoy.
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