What if just a single question makes your mind spin but still you won't get any answer? Yes, this happens to me, I ran behind the answer to one question for years. I think sometimes we know the answer but still we keep searching for something that matches the answer we already have and we get peace of mind.
The great thing is I got the answer to my question last week from one of my online friends. Before getting hope of an answer from him, I questioned myself about the answer and every time I think about that one specific question I get many other questions as answers and I start finding their answer too.
For years I never raised this question in front of others as I was scared of their reactions what if they call me stupid or maybe say I'm not faithful towards my religion but for the first time I was comfortable enough with someone to raise this question too.
"Okay, tell me, what to do when God is angry with us?" I typed while I was moving towards my bed.
"Signs of Allah's Displeasure or Ways to Please Allah?" His message popped up on my screen.
"If Allah is angry, it is not like that He is not listening to my prayer, but if Allah is angry, then He is not listening to me." I sat on the bed and kept typing whatever mess I had in my mind
"What is the relationship between acceptance of prayer and Allah's displeasure?" As always he dropped a question as an answer to my questions.
"When did I say that the acceptance of prayer is related to Allah's displeasure? I said, Allah is listening to my prayer, but not listening to me. I have nothing to ask for in my prayers. I have nothing left for prayers. But I have a question, a stupid question." I was about to move towards the question that usually spins my mind.
"Ask" He replied
"Why did Allah make us?" I typed while thinking how he would react after reading it.
"to breed" One line reply? How could he be so calm?
I never thought before that we are created to breed that's why the 'two-word' reply amazed me
"Where is it written? The Qur'an says we were created for worship." I texted as I wanted to make him restless, I wanted him to think more deeper about the topic
"Man was not created only for worship" He replied,
"Why did Allah create humans then?" My questions were infinite, as every single question is linked to a thousand others.
"In the Qur'an, Allah has created man for His worship and has made him the caliph in the world, given the category for maintaining the splendour and freshness of the world." He replied
I found he was not thinking deeply about the topic, he was just giving the answers available everywhere
"Allah did not create us for worship? but why does Allah want us to worship Him? If Allah made man the glory of the world, why do humans have to suffer?" My tone was a little harsh at that time as I was tired of the suffering I was going through at that time.
"Angels also worship Allah, but man has been made capable of worship in a different way. Man has freedom, he has authority, man can worship Allah if he wants to and in return, he got Allah's guidance and love for himself. This worship is a means of spiritual training of man and of getting closer to Allah." He ignored my tone and replied calmly.
"I think all this is a game, if I were asked if you want to go out into the world as a human being, then I would say no." I typed.
"There are many people who hold great status in Islam, they also say that we would like to be a leaf on the Day of Judgment and not a human being." He tries to console me by giving examples of others
"I don't say there is no Allah, I believe in Allah. But I don't understand why Allah is the greatest to us. Why will we be burned on the last day? Why is it so important to worship Allah? Why do we get the highest level in return for this worship?" I typed all the trash my mind was holding for years.
"But we can do what we want?" He replied,
"What is free will?" I typed because I want to understand his meaning of free will in the described manner.
"Worship Allah or not worship Allah" Again a one-line reply popped up on the screen.
"The day I realized we would die one day, I was very afraid. I thought I would be alone in the grave and the little bugs would scratch me and I would burned too. But why? Why would I be burned? Did I say make me a human? Did I say make a world? Did I say to start this game? Then Why I'm part of all this?" I typed and a tear from my eye wet my face
“Well don't think too much wait for Thursday, I have sent the question to a Mufti(Scholar)" He replied, maybe he understood the level of stress I was taking through just a stupid question.
"It is not difficult to wait a few more days where I have waited for so many years, I will do it too" I typed while wiping my tears.
On Thursday
"Did he reply to my answer?" I waited for 2 days with the hope that he would text me first but then chose to text him because I was not able to wait more.
"Yes he replied with this text My exams are going on now. There are 6 consecutive papers. 3 of which have been Sahih Bukhari(Islamic book), Sahih Muslim(Islamic Book) and Jami Tirmidhi(Islamic book)
Now there is an exam of Sunan Abu Dawud tomorrow. The last paper will be on Saturday. Please pray, May Allah grant success with distinction marks. I will write the answer in detail after Saturday" I received his text.
"Okay I'll wait more" I replied without letting him know how difficult it is to wait while you got hope.
.
5 days passed but still got no response from him regarding my question, every night I texted him and asked whether he replied or not and got a reply that Mufti Sir (Scholor) Was busy somewhere.
.
On Next Wednesday
"The question is that I did not ask God to send me to this world. Then why did he oblige me? That I should go to this world of punishment and act?
The first answer to this question is ambiguous. And the second answer is acceptance.
The first type says that you should reverse the question on the questioner and acceptance of the answer means that you accept the question of the questioner and then give a satisfactory answer to it.
The first answer is that if by default you did not start the game, but when you were put into the game, you must play your role or you will be killed. An example is a shooting game. If your character is involved in it then you have to shoot your opponent otherwise you will be shot yourself. Therefore, if you wanted (although this desire is based on life) that you were not sent to the world, but you were still sent, now you have to follow the rules of the world like the rules of the game. And finally, there will be a reward or punishment for winning or losing the game.
The Second answer is that Allah Almighty did not start this game without our will. Our souls were collected and a pledge was taken from us, which was acknowledged by all of us with consciousness and senses.
Now consider a case here. The ratio of action is always outward first and inward later. For example, if I slap a person, it will be said that I hit him because I am obviously the perpetrator. While the real strength and power belong to Allah. But it is not said that Allah slapped. Rather they say, slapping is done by the man. In the same way, all the actions that are performed by the man are related to the man first, and the information related to them, the punishments, and the questions and answers are done to the man, not Allah. Therefore, if I wronged someone by slapping him, God is not blamed in return, but I am punished.
After understanding this issue, if a person looks at the apparent cause of his existence, two people brought him into this world, i.e. his parents. If he has come to this game, his parents are the ones who enter him. Therefore, it is not intellectually correct to complain to Allah, but to your parents about why they brought you into this world. Once you get into the game, you have to follow the rules. This matter has already been discussed.
Now, if we come to the question and virtually believe that the man is innocent, God sent him by force, then this belief was also held by the Jabriya sect more or less a thousand years ago. He used to say that man is only forced. He can neither do good nor bad by his authority. He has been forced into the world with his hands and feet tied. There is nothing at his disposal. A similar question is why God sent me here without my will.
After understanding the preamble, the answer is very simple and easy to understand when all humanity traveled from nothing (from being nothing) to object (to being something), feelings were born. Making an object out of nothing is sometimes a favor to the thing and sometimes it is a test.
Man invents the machine or makes anything. He becomes the visible means of bringing it into being from non-existence. Because he has to work through it. Now the responsibility of the machine is to work and not to avoid the work. Now this machine will be the real test. After the experiment either the machine will be passed and promoted or else it will be scrapped.
Allah Almighty also gave human beings feelings, emotions, intellect and consciousness and sent them into the world and gave them existence from nothing. It is also his favour, it is also his test, and Allah Almighty has given orders and tasks for the man. Before sending us here, Allah took a pledge and gave us responsibility.
The clear reason for this is the struggle of our existence from the mother's womb to the last breath. If our conscious authority was not included, we would never have come out of the mother's belly. Never ask for food when you are hungry. Don't take care of yourself. etc etc...
It is known that we have fought for life. We also want to live. Consciously we are fully aware of this. Therefore, we are obliged. So this restriction is not unjustified at all. In all this, our satisfaction has also been included.
I found only this paragraph, with no other text from him. Maybe he thought it is enough for me, and I don't need his text anymore.
Is it what I was waiting for, Does my stupid question actually have such a big answer? Yes, Islam is so deep when it comes to knowledge. Is this the end of many restless nights? Maybe yes,
Note: I want to apologize if my story won't fulfil the rules of the community as after writing I realized it is a mixture of advice and religious content. But this story is so close to me, I can say it is my journey from restless nights to peace.