Oftentimes, mental health topics are considered taboo. This post may be triggering for some audiences as this visual novel deals with self-harm, suicidal ideation and mature thoughts and euphemisms (unless you choose to play in Cuss-Free Mode, a tiny button off to the side for educators and parents to use). Anxiety disorders are not a fun time for those of us that experience them on a regular basis. Expect some light spoilers, some personal details, and several tangents (for just writing this awakened my anxiety and he must have his say too). Welcome to my first visual novel review here; this will be a doozy.
Unless otherwise stated, most of the images in this post were either officially sourced from the developer's press kit here or taken from the game (in relation to just my first ending)
Disclosures
Before I go too far, why am I talking about such a divisive topic this early on in the life of this community? Allow me to be frank, I recently had an anxiety fueled altercation with several Discord communities I was a part of, a small handful of my Twitter followers, and someone who could have possibly been one of the first members here (see here). My anxiety is something that I may never fully get a grasp over, but I will never stop trying. I want the first discussion here to be a somewhat raw and personal look at myself with a game from someone that has seen me from their own experiences and was willing to put them out there. This is me having the same courage and setting a base level expectation for what the community hopefully will stand for.
The developer has provided the source code for this game and most of the assets for free here. They've also written a fairly detailed article about their own experiences, why they made the game and how others can get help here. All of these are available on the main game page (will link that at the bottom) and neither me nor the developer are licensed health professionals. Take these for what they are: resources for you to do what's best for you with but not clinical materials to solve problems or help with mental distress.
What is the Goal of this Game
This one is pretty simple. You primarily play as Anxiety Wolf and your job is to protect your human from harm throughout the experience. Every choice has a consequence of some type and to reach the final ending, you must choose the correct route by navigating the dangers of existence. If you've played any games with "Bad Endings," this is definitely one of those types of games. Again, player discretion advised.
My Anxiety Is...
My personal journey into my own mental health started at a very young age. I love talking and have always loved expressing myself. When I was a young child, I would walk up to random strangers and just start conversations about anything I wanted. I'm in my mid 30's now and still do that from time to time but often am consumed with dread about the consequences of my interactions. What changed me is not important here but the now and where I will be going are. Unlike the wolf in this game, my anxiety is that of a massive dragon that I was taught to just ignore altogether, only to have it keep coming back stronger and stronger until it finally got loud enough to forever be silently roaring like a distant train in the back of my mind every waking moment these days.
Sometimes, when he gets loud enough, I end up sleeping for days from how draining he can be. Other times, I blow up online against strangers. And then, there are other times that I run for miles without stopping or thinking about it. I feel that the latter result has been my safest way to deal with these things. I enjoy running. One of my current goals is to run my first marathon by the time I'm 40. Anxiety doesn't always need to be a bad thing, you know; it's just an "indication of a need being unmet" that should be addressed and evaluated but can always be denied or met with compromise.
My First Ending
Due to the nature of the medium, I don't plan to spoil all of the endings for this short game (says it's around 30 minutes or so to complete), but I want to talk about the first ending I received based on my own choices. The statistic at the top showed how many times I used different fear tactics to fight my human and force her into submitting to Anxiety. Where my human ended up was a place that I ended up in real life until a few years ago: drug and alcohol addiction. Due to how short this game was, it wasn't drawn out and portrayed in the most realistic way but did show how such addictions start and where they can lead. Mine almost lead to alcohol induced suicide by jumping six stories down into a swimming pool due to my current "best friend" telling me how cool it would be. This screenshot shows the moment that broke me down into tears.
The music here was solemn but not dread filled. It was just "there" much like facing yourself in a moment when you realize that you have to stop the direction you're heading and go elsewhere fast. It had a tinge of hope and joy mixed in with the simple guitar and piano duet taking the lead, but the background melody never disappeared and wasn't too subdued.
One of my favorite parts of this particular scene was when my human broke all of my legs in a very viscous way. That might be a morbid visual but self-recovery, at least for me, didn't come with complete understanding and self-love from the start. Fighting myself has been an ordeal. The emotional damage and scars don't go away.
My choice here was "I'm scared we're bad people." My biggest personal fear in this moment is harming others for my own gain and being viewed as a bad person. Being unloved and alone stemmed from that fear and were addressed later on.
I Became Myself Here, the Human
My drug addiction was not the worst. I primarily smoked weed and every so often would partake in experimentation with various pills of questionable origin. I'm physically fairly thin but have always been self-conscious about my "runner's" legs. The vast majority of my family don't have big boned legs but instead were fairly tall and lanky. I happen to be of average height but have had massive upper legs for as long as I can remember. I hated them and felt I was fat. In response, I frequently overused and abused weight-loss pills and dabbled a tiny bit into more illicit and illegal drugs to try and keep my "weight" down. My turning point was waking up almost a month after a party in a new location I wasn't familiar with and not knowing how I got there. Luckily, it wasn't super difficult to get back but not knowing how I got there and what all happened during that time was absolutely terrifying.
Alcohol is where I still have problems and must willingly limit myself when I go out drinking. There was a bar I used to be a regular at and would frequently purchase my least favorite beer to keep myself from drinking more than one, or at least that was my logic until several regular patrons I met and the bartender decided to just keep them coming one night. I bottomed out fast and it took several months to get back into a fairly healthy state of mind from that incident. I haven't returned to that bar since and no longer feel safe drinking at any one location for more than a handful of times without someone there to spot me in case of a repeated incident.
My response to the image above was based on how I responded at my lowest point several years back. That response was "acceptance." I'll leave you to discover what that means for you, but for me, the rest of the ending was deeply personal and painful.
My Critical Thoughts About the Game Itself
Monplaisar's musical soundtrack is available here. The music was fun and had a variety to it based on the emotions conveyed. I also enjoy the fact that the artist's personal label is called Loyalty Freak Music, a possible play on the term Royalty Free Music. The ending theme song reminded me a bit of Sum 41's "No Reason," oddly enough.
The comedic elements in my first play didn't feel offensive or out of place for this type of game. Instead of fully poking fun at the subject matter, it felt like the developer was trying to make the material more palatable as an interactive medium without fully making light of the darker aspects. Finding a nice balance there is never an easy task but I felt that the developer handled it well. Your experience may be different due to how subjective comedy is for each individual.
For some, the art style could be viewed too simple without enough detail or visual style. I'd like to disagree with that sentiment, but you do you there. Where they shined the most for me were in the battles and the backgrounds, both of which seemed to take inspiration from (and in the case of Pokemon, directly ripping off official music) typical JRPG turn-based gameplay. The wolf and how expressive it was in all instances also contrasted greatly with how stiff and barely animated the human was, in equal moments of pleasure and dread. That's not to say the human was badly animated at all, though. They expressed themselves in a different but equally interesting way the further one dove into the experience.
My Closing Thoughts
If you have any interest in playing this or any of the dev's other games, have at it. I plan to play through more of this and experience some of the other endings. I needed this game for some feelings I'm currently dealing with. What about you? Have you played this or are thinking about playing this? Please leave your comments below, reblog and vote if you so choose. Thanks for reading and have a wonderful rest of your evening.
Important Information
- Play the game in your browser of choice here: https://ncase.me/anxiety/
- Developed by Nicky Case
- Released to the Public Domain for free usage for anything that one desires with a Patreon available for those that want to support further development
Speaking of Support
My Ko-fi can be found here if you have interest in tipping me with real world currency or doing a monthly subscription. Thanks again.