I’ve been having quite a bit of epiphany and reflections lately. I asked myself a lot of questions about the purpose of living and finding joy on this earth. I find it so intriguing that despite all these years, I thought I might have found the answer but if you ask me on the spot, I still don’t know what I wanted to do or even the purpose of my existence. I am not sure how many people are just winging it day by day, but I am one of those people, who simply exist, one day at a time. Yet, still I can’t lie there are parts of me that screams out loud about getting the shit done and conquering the world.
Just for a note, I like writing my thoughts out in public, it’s like vomiting out my twisted brain in public so it no longer bothers my brain and I am left with a lot more freeing space for important matters. So, here’s my brain dump.......
Recently, I came across a reel that argues Yolo living is a scam. The idea of collecting more memories was a dream sold by the rich people who have too many things that no longer bring them joy. The person added that this Yolo dream robs people and flips the priority in their head, especially low earners and low disposable income. When I was much younger, I was the one advocating spending on experience than things but I paid the price too. The post hit me deep down when he mentioned that someone could spend 5 grand on Tulum but live on an awful mattress. I’ve never been to Tulum but I have an awfully bad mattress that I need to replace. When I was in my early 20’s I experienced that flip priority syndrome and rather than focusing on building my tangible future, I bet everything on experience. Okay, maybe those experiences made me the person I am today but today, I think I was very irresponsible. As I grew older, I realized that a comfortable space was all I looked for. I am a homebody and I hate hot weather but I never really worked on solving that problem until recently.
Now, on to another brain dump, death from our loved ones, can teach us a lot about things. I am personally not afraid of dying. I think death is just, but I can understand now, how one single person could leave so much, not just monetarily but also their memories attached to it. At the same time, from death, I learned that people move on very quickly and their life continues as if nothing was wrong. I wasn’t ready for this. I spent some days wallowing in sadness that I can’t even show. I felt like I needed a break but I could never rest at ease. But just the last few days, I realized that I should move on too and being a lot more in control of my life. Because everyday felt like I was swallowed by constant waves and just trying to swim above the water.
I learned this lately too that it’s okay to take a breather, stop and run again. I am in that transitioning phase where I am trying to collect more energy to get back into my routine. As much as I am trying to, I still find it hard to do a lot of things and I find myself sleeping a lot more than I used to. So, I decided to go out and refresh my mind and for the first time, going out really helps me sort my brain out. I am back on the roll and ready to function as once again a normal human being.
Thriving and surviving capitalism. It’s funny that I think about this a lot lately. People around me are all money obsessed and money is never gone from a simple conversation. Everything is all about money and they’re willing to do anything for money. I don’t know why I can’t really bring that side of me much lately. I shouldn’t be zen about not making money and/or bringing in as much money as I could but somehow, inside my brain, I have this weird idea that the universe provides and I won’t be struggling. I just don’t like that with this approach I am sort of underestimating that we can live without money. Maybe that’s why I am stuck in the same place? Who knows?
Truth is, everything is about money and if it gets to the point where one has to live with medical support, breathing costs money too. I am being real here, the latest question I typed to google was “ Why don’t I want money? I have to make a lot of it but somehow I am indifferent”
Career paths, is there such a thing? Meeting friends recently just made me think about my career path. I am that friend with no fixed career plan and they don’t even know what I am doing with my life. Honestly, maybe I prefer it that way, not actually telling people what I do but at the same time, I just have way too many interests that I think I need to be split into 2000 just so I can be at every career path I want. But lately, I’ve just been thinking of trying one thing and sticking to it. Who knows, it was the perfect fit for me all along? just like a friend of mine that I recently met who mentioned about what to do with the degree she has that doesn’t seem like it has any fixed career path.
Anyhow, that was my morning brain dump, I should be talking about coffee and other things. There were a few places I wanted to share but I rarely have the time to sit down and actually craft the words.
 | 𝘔𝘢𝘤 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘢 & 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘳 . 𝘈 𝘵𝘺𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘺. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨, 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴, 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘖𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘭𝘶𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺. 𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘤𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴. 𝘍𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯! 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘱𝘷𝘰𝘵𝘦, 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘈 𝘳𝘦-𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰. |