My parents had different ways of disciplining us. While my mum was the one who did more of the punishing, my dad wasn't. You can say thar my mum was the one who blows hot while my dad blows cold. I can coujt the number of times i ever saw my dad punish anyone. It must not have been more than three times. For me, in particular, he never has ever laid a finger on me. But then, even with my mum, punishment was sparse.
So many times, I've heard people say how well-behaved and how much of a fine job that my parents did with raising us. They actually did. Considering the kind of environment that we grew up in, it's amazing how not one of us turned out
Parenting is a lot of work. I might not be a parent yet, but I know this. I know there's so much anxiety and effort that's involved. I know this because, growing older, I realize how very rebellious and independent kids(read as teens) start to become rebellious.
A senior friend of mine, whose child I tutored at some point and who I once wrote on here about saying that I loved how she could switch up quickly from being a parent and disciplinarian to her kids to being their friend, was telling me days back of some misgivings of her child. According to her, he had, at certain times, while at home for school break, taken up indiscipline behavior, showed durespect, and spoken out of line. I would spare the details of the occurrences, but what she said surprised me. All I could manage to tell her was that it was puberty starting to kick in. It was how this stage of his life was.
Being someone who's very intentional with her parenting , she had resorted to certain methods of discipline that always put him in check. For every offense, there was a pattern of discipline that did not necessarily imply flogging. And I liked that for her.
My dad believes in using words. I can remember all the times when any one of us did something wrong and he would just give a warning and also advise. More like, he had stories to tell which had deep meanings. My mum, on the other hand, used the rod. She didn't flog often, but compared to my dad, who never ever flogged, she did more.
My parents aren't strict. Not the kind of parents that at their arrival from wherever, the kids get nervous and start running about. Nah! They were able to be parents and be pals, too. I don't know how they did it, but it's all excellent.
You see, how starting out on this post, there are references made on flogging? Well, that's how it is in this society. It makes my skin crawl when I hear parents and/or guaddians brag about their flogging skills and how their kids tremble and behave properly, knowing that one mistake and they'll receive it hot.
I didn't grow up receiving beatings, so it's not an approach that i lean towards. I am more the kind that if you talk to/rebuke, it hits all the right spots. I think that with me, beating gets me defiant. I learned no lessons. We grew up being talked to, and we grew up listening(at my house). My mum could get dramatic, and no one wanted to make her pissed so it was enough to keep everyone in check. Plus, staying disciplined seems like our default.
Like I mentioned, neither my parents nor older siblings hit me, and that robbed off on me cause I never hit anyone else. Never engaged in a fight.
I've had to take care of kids. I've tutored them, formed bonds enough to know that beating rarely does the job. Kids listen. I'm not saying that a parent should never flog their child, but there are other methods that are even more effective. Cause, sometimes I see parents who flog their child so aggressively, it begins to look like there's more to the offense. It even cones off as abuse, too.
With the kids I've had in my care, I've had to resort to withholding privileges and benefits, rebuking, giving assignments/issuing tasks, and some others. Actually, I just do not let the child enjoy something they always do. But mostly, I talk.I let them speak too, so I get to know and understand why they had to do what they had done. It doesn't let them off the hook if their reason is reasonable cause there's no room for misbehavior. I cite instances, switch up scenarios, and let them tell if they did what is right. With flogging, I feel bad afterward. Somehow.
And always, with every child that I have had to discipline, my method always worked. I do what I do, making sure to not mar their esteem but to help them see why they should make better judgements. It's just a lot easier this way for me.
Parenting is big work. It's a full-time job and there's no manual to it. I just think that every parent should be more patient, find what works for them and br very intentional about it.
Thanks for gracing this post.
Greetings!