I took this as the sun set and the church bell was ringing..
Another Sunday has passed and another guilt feeling added.
Every Sunday, I feel guilty for not going to church. My guilt reaches the point where I cry. Going to church is really an obligation for me. Inside the church, it feels so good to sing and praise Him. I grew up going to church every Sunday, and it feels so good after the service. I feel calmer and enlightened after hearing the words of the Lord from the Bible. I feel blessed and ready to face the world. It feels good to always be kind despite being triggered by the people around you because of satan or being affected by what others say and evil likes that. I wholeheartedly want to follow what Jesus said at the Last Supper: 1 Corinthians 11:23-25 ‘For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night He was betrayed, took bread, and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, 'This is My body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of Me.' In the same way, after supper, He took the cup, saying, 'This cup is the new covenant in My blood; do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of Me.'
source https://pixabay.com/photos/supper-the-bread-and-wine-3239339/
One day during the COVID pandemic year 2020, My daughter and I confidently walked to the church because I was used to walking to church, which is one block away from our home. When we arrived and took our seats, I suddenly felt unwell inside the church. It’s like there is gas in my chest. I became anxious, but I remained calm. A church attendant pointed a temperature scanner on my forehead which was a little embarrassing by the way. Luckily, my daughter was with me and called her dad to fetch us. Then when I get in the car, I feel relaxed and better. That incident triggered my anxiety. After my conventional therapy, it kept happening. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I do believe that it's a side effect of the conventional therapy, but maybe that therapy helped with my treatment. After that event, I stopped walking to church. I also stopped going to church. But a part of me keeps pushing me to go to church. My online job became an excuse for me to sleep late and not attend church the next morning because I was tired and wanted to sleep in. Even my children no longer go to church. They were influenced by us as parents not to attend church services. Well, I always forced their father to go to church then, which is not a good example as the head of the family. I just pray for him that he will be enlightened. I know I have many reasons not to go to church. I feel so bad for making excuses. I have to be determined now to go to church, pray, and sing just like before. I have to do it. I have to make time. I feel like the Lord is calling me. I want to reconnect, improve my faith, and find peace through worship and prayer. I need to heal spiritually. My spirit needs to be taken care of. My relationship with the Lord needs to be nurtured. I really need to always ask for forgiveness from the Lord because I seem to be postponing going to church. As it says in Proverbs 3:1-35: 'My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.'
Another rainy Sunday
Screenshots boomerang of another Sunday
I do believe it's never too late to start anew. I must tell myself, ‘Get ready, self. Please do it, self.’ I must sleep early the night before going to church. I must encourage and bring my children there. I should make it a family activity to create more connections with them. It’s fulfilling and healing for my spirit.
May we live guilt-free.
Thank you for reading.