Regrets is the worse kind of emotion anyone can feel, take it from me.
You see, in as much as I respect my dad and take him as a role model, I will be lying if I said he didn't have his mistakes, the man is human anyway.
If there's one thing African parents (dads especially) prides themselves on, it's how much they discipline their kids. They take so much pride in it that sometimes they go overboard and do a little too much. My dad was one of those men who most times took things a little bit too far when it comes to disciplining us, and it didn't take long for all of that discipline to turn into fear for me.
I found myself being scared of my dad, I was so scared that I avoided being in the same room with the man whenever I got the chance because with my dad, saying one wrong word could mean you having the ass whooping of a lifetime. So what I would do whenever the family were seated in the living room was remain in my room, pressing my phone or sometimes even sleeping.
I remember my dad would occasionally come to my room to ask me why I prefer staying in the room, when everyone else was seeing some nollywood movie in the living room. It got so bad that there were times when he had to force me himself to go watch TV with the rest of the family. And if I'm being honest, I did try one or two times to sit with everyone but discovered that my mind wasn't at peace with my dad presence there.
But you see, in as much as I thought that I was doing the right thing, minding my business and avoid getting into trouble with my dad, I've come to find out that was a huge mistake because this is my family and every moment I get to share with them should be cherished and valued. Sadly, I got to realize all of this when it was a little too late for me to do anything.
I was laying in my room this evening, thinking about my late mom and trying to remember certain memories where we all sat as a family and laughing together, but sadly I couldn't come up with much. It made me really sad and the regrets started creeping in. "Had I known" were the three words in my head.
Immediately I had walked outside, for some fresh air and also to go sit with my friends. As I sat with them, that was when I realized that although I may have messed it up with my mom, I can still do better with the rest of my family and my friends around me, the same friends seated with me right now.