Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
“Hey, Uncle Major!”
To the Trent children, Uncle Major was Maj. Thomas Stepforth Jr., elder brother to Mrs. Trent, but to the Trents' little cousin nine-year-old Vertran Stepforth, Uncle Major was Maj. J.P.P. Dubois, by virtue of Vertran at eight-and-three-quarters-years-old having proposed to Major Dubois's nine-year-old niece Louisa Dubois Chennault, and Louisa having accepted. This was hilarious to both the Duboises and the Stepforths, but both Louisa and Vertran were living with their grandparents and had become so much like them that they were just modeling what they saw.
Maj. Dubois smiled at this and let it pass, for he knew that eventually Vertran and Louisa would realize it was a bit early to be engaged and could be best friends without all that … or not. Both sets of grandparents involved had married young and to their best friends, so … maybe not.
“Hey, nephew,” he said to the little boy who jumped up into his arms. “Bet you didn't know I was bringing in the Sunday dinner today!”
“No, I didn't, but I'm glad because I need to talk with you about some stuff, and I'm glad you didn't let Tom and Melvin and especially Robert hog all your time!”
“Especially Robert?”
“We gotta talk about it inside, Uncle Major. The Ludlows have ears everywhere.”
So inside they went, and sat down on the couch.
“Now, I like Robert – he's a nice kid overall, but he rolled up on me about Louisa!”
“What?”
“So, Robert is super smart, like me and Louisa, so I set him up with some math tutoring with her. He can like do all his times tables to some stupidly high numbers for a five-year-old, and his squares are just stupid dumb high – I bet if you walked outside and asked him what the square of any number is up to like 50, he could tell you.”
Maj. Dubois went and checked.
“Say, Robert,” he said as he walked over into the Ludlow yard, “what is the square of 42?”
“Uh … 1,764!”
“And the square root of 55?”
“Uh … 3,025!”
“Thank you!”
“Yep – he's good at least up to 55,” the major said to Vertran. “Sheer memory power.”
“He's plenty smart,” Vertran said, “but then, after he met with Louisa a few times, he walked right over here and said he needed to talk with me man-to-man and said that I had to treat Louisa right because if not he was going to take her away from me because somebody has got to make sure to treat her right!”
“Oh, he must be modeling his grandfather very hard too,” the major said.
“Yeah, he is Capt. R.E. Ludlow's grand-mogul, just like I am to my Pop-Pop.”
“So what did you tell him?”
“I told him he didn't have to worry about it because I was definitely going to treat Louisa right, so we shook on it and he went back to jump rope like nothing ever happened!”
“Well, he trusts you, Vertran, and, man-to-man, I think that's a wonderful thing. He's too young to be jealous or competitive. He seems to just have so much mental and physical energy that he's kind of all over the place, and he is a lot like his grandfather in personality, but I don't think he means any harm.”
“I don't think so either, Uncle Major, but sheesh … is the world of adult men really like this? I mean, I see why your parents and my grandparents got maried very young, but, do other men just try men in relationships like that?”
“Yes, Vertran, they do,” Maj. Dubois said. “Not always that straightforward, either. Lil' Robert means no harm because he is not old enough to play stupid ego games comparing himself with other men and trying to get one up on them, nor does he yet know more than you do about men's physical desires such that he is a slave to them. A lot of bad adult behavior has to do with pride and lust.”
“Two of the Seven Deadly Sins, and they lead to wrath, another of that set,” Vertran said.
“I see you have been studying Catholic doctrine on the subject,” Maj. Dubois said.
“Well, Tom and Melvin are on this bachelor thing and they were looking up monks and stuff before you got here,” Vertran said. “I just listen and learn. Staying a bachelor does sound easier with all this going on – you know before the pandemic, somebody shot another guy over a girl at the high school. It was on all the news and now I understand why that stuff happens. Now I see from my own grandparents and my Trent aunt and uncle that if you treat your wife-to-be right, you ain't gotta worry about her wanting to be anywhere else if she's meant to be your wife – I mean, they were all divorced for like years and still got back together because they didn't want to be with anyone else. But if you don't know that, other people will have you nervous.”
“Right. You see, Lil' Robert is super smart, because he put his little finger on the main issue: Louisa does need to be treated right. So long as you do that, you won't have to worry because Louisa cares about treating you right, too.”
“Yeah, she and I talk every day and are now surviving fourth grade online by helping each other … it's all good over here.”
“So, it is like this, Vertran: some people realize they are called to marriage earlier than others. Nine years old is too young, and makes for a very long engagement, but you and Louisa as you get older can talk as friends about that and what makes sense as you approach adulthood.”
“Yeah, because a long engagement gives me time for layaway and to figure out Louisa's ring size then. I was going to get the ring and just ask Pop-Pop to pay for it and I pay him back, but Louisa said her hands are still growing and I should wait, so, we still have stuff to figure out together.”
“Surviving fourth grade in a pandemic is already a lot,” the major said.
“Oh, it definitely is,” Vertran said. “I'm telling you, Zoom just be wilding out! I need Pop-Pop to just buy up some internet infrastructure and fix it because things are getting ridiculous in Lofton County!”
“Maj. Stepforth and I have been struggling with that in the Stepforth Virtual Study Hall too. We almost need to send Edwina Ludlow down there to talk to them, and Grayson Ludlow to fix it.”
“I don't know if it is drastic enough for Edwina,” Vertran said, “but if Grayson can build some fiber optics with Legos, that would be awesome.”
In the next room, Vertran's grandfather, Thomas Stepforth Sr., had called Maj. Dubois's father, Jean-Luc Dubois. The two men had been friends for decades.
“Jean-Luc, I am listening to your Major Son talking with my middle grandson out of my Major Son, and it is hilarious. ”
“Enjoying our generations is a blessing of old age,” the Dubois patriarch said as the two men laughed.