I knew change was essential and constant but noone told me it would be uncomfortable and mind wrecking, constantly gnawing at the back of the headache I had within my head. Having things to let you escape and just breathe is a really wonderful thing that shouldn't be taken advantage of. I'm tired. And I can't even lie. It is quite difficult trying to shuffle every thing you like and having equal time for them all. But I guess that's just the way of the world. And I do not like the way of the world. I am not happy nor am I satisfied. I was talking to a close friend some days back and he was really pissed about the multiple Ls(bad lucks or losses) the universe kept on throwing at him. I mean,you won't understand how he felt about the world, at that moment, unless you were in his shoes or you probably had the universe doing same to you at that particular point in life. It is unexplainable; the guilt,the sorrow for yourself and what you're going through. Then you go all over and try to think about it,"Did I really deserve this? I mean,all these bad things happening to me,was it actually meant for me? What did I do wrong that particular day!?"
And the funny and sad thing is; whenever it's your turn to take Ls,it is your turn. You'd just be getting them in multiples and it'll make you want to lose your mind, literally. And then, you'd see yourself crying. Cause apparently,your soul was getting fed up,it wasn't done with everything yet but it was getting tired.
Come to thing of it,In a way I think most of us are living a matrix(me included). I mean, We're given birth to,trained and gone to school, we get jobs or work towards what we want or what we want to become,get married or not,get children or not and then what? Get old and die. The entirety of it is so stressful and sick to think about. And no, don't get me wrong. I'm not suicidal or anything, it's just really really scary. The world, everything is just really scary. And I guess, I'm probably stupid a bit to post this here and not leave it in my note. I guess I probably am. But here we are.
Yeah,some humans would try to justify some of the things happening to someone as being lazy. There are alot of hardworking people who don't get enough to eat,a lot! The idea is "if you don't work,you don't eat" right? Bullsh*t!
I don't know but being smart too is also hard or I've just completely lost my mind and energy to think with intelligence regarding anything. My goodness.
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