So I have spend the day in bed today. Unfortunately, it was not for pleasure. Upon waking this morning, I soon realised my back was still sore. I got up and made my way to the compost toilet, when I was making my way back, up to the terrace where my truck is parked, I got a sharp pain down my left leg. Felt my back twitch and tighten and knew I had to get back to my bed, so that I could lie down. That included climbing 4 steps, which my back did not enjoy. Once I got to my bed, I had to lower myself gently. so I could lie down. My phone was next to my bed, there was no way I could work, so I had to send a message to cancel my job.
I, like many others, do not like being stuck in bed ( unless it is for the right reasons). Especially if it is difficult to get and stay comfortable. But I had no choice, when I tried to get up, the pain worsened, so I lay down again. Lowering myself down gently once again. I'm really trying to be more gentle with myself. It has indeed been quite the theme for me this year. Gentleness.
This year, has been quite full on for me. Well the last 5 years to be honest, but I think that has been the way for many. It has been intense, as I have had to face, so many things that were buried within. The great unearthing, of all the pain I had stored away. Coming face to face, with the different mindsets I have and recognising my relationship with life and how I have grown to expect, that life is a struggle.
Don't get me wrong, I'm also really good at having fun and making the most of life, but I always seem to slide into this mindset, that my life should be a struggle, because that is what will make me stronger. I know that being gentle with myself, is a sign of strength, but my body still struggles to believe it, to live it. I'm really working on it, hence why I'm writing about it again. I'm holding myself accountable.
I had plans to catch up with some friends tomorrow, have some food and then enjoy some music together. But, well it is just not meant to be, as it looks like I will be spending my evening/night at home.
Which I have been doing a lot of lately and I have been enjoying it as well. I don't think I have ever hibernated this much during the winter months. But then again, I don't think I have ever needed to, this much either.
All images used in this post are mine.
