The beginning of the year passed by, so quickly. Is it just me or time exactly moving faster and faster?
“New Year” doesn’t hit me on the last day of 2024 or the first day of 2025. Until I spent my days in January which are quite chaotic because I still have to commute to other city occasionally for work-related events.
I always wonder why can't I slow down a little bit? Why do I always feel rushed? Then I started blame my self for all the things I regret, the things I wish never happened, some mistakes or risks I shouldn’t taken, and so on. But on the other hand, I also thinking about why tf I couln’t be as productive as I should have been, all the time.
It immediately made me realize how hard it is to control my own thoughts and feelings. I wanted to slow down, but when I did, I questioned my self. Maybe I just afraid, because the world keep moving without any pauses. So if I pause, I would be left behind. The truth is, I think its just my mind make it that way. Maybe I will always be left behind no matter how hard I tried to keep up with this world.
“when do you finally realize that (at least) you always try your best?”
That was the question I wrote in my journal back in January. It was hit me quite hard because I finally reminded again that the best I can do is the best I can do, I need to read that again and again. Since my mind is always busy thinking about the list of what-if, now I understand that maybe its not the world that can’t be pause, but the worries inside my head. So back to my own question why is it hard to slow down? Maybe because I didn’t allow my self to do so. What do you think? Do you ever feel the same?