“I can't hide myself; I don't expect you to understand.
I just hope I can explain what it's like to be a man…”
To Be A Man - Song by Dax
My sister raised one brow at me and I raised my shoulders back. There were earphones plugged into his ears as he sang on. My sister and I had been gisting about the wedding ceremony that held in their compound but immediately we heard the lyrics of the song my younger brother was singing, our ears were compelled to listen.
“Unconditional love for women, children and dogs…As a man we gotta pave our way….Our only function is to work and slave….No wonder most men are so depressed….” To Be A Man - Song by Dax
Dax - "To Be A Man" (Official Music Video)
At this point my sister had to tap him.
“What are you listening to?” my brother took one earpiece out to stare at the both of us, then spread his palms out in inquiry.
“I asked what you've been listening to,” she repeated.
“Oh…” his face relaxed into a smile as he hung the earpiece on one ear “It's just the summary of what we men go through”
“You men?” My sister scoffed, causing me to explode with laughter “Are you a man?”
He sneered at her, then attempted plugging his ear again
“Wait, wait,” it was my sister again, “I want to hear the lyrics of what you're singing”
And so he began, my sister and I turned occasionally to look at ourselves, heads shaking with disapproval, mouths wide open.
“I don't understand,” she interrupted midway through the song “Why would anyone think that men are slaving themselves away for the rest of the world?”
“But it's what we do, isn't it?” For a moment there, I thought I saw my brother's chest protruding with pride. I flicked my lashes at him contemptuously.
“You're saying women don't have any contributions in this world? That they are more loved and do not face challenges?” I asked
“No, I….”
“To begin with,” my sister cut in unapologetically, “No offense to this artiste, he is a great musician and has great lyrics with emotions attached to them but I don't know if it's appropriate to sell this kind of idea to people. Especially growing boys like yourself”
“Yeah, it can make you start feeling like you're born to suffer and start seeing and treating women less”
“Men are loved too,” my sister continued as if she didn't hear that I too had spoken, “For instance, I love my husband and I do everything in my power to make him know that. Perhaps, this artist, what's his name?”
My brother's puffed chest was almost completely deflated now but he managed to say “Dax”
“Yes, this Dax guy, he probably grew up in a world where men had to struggle a lot. I'm just trying to let you know it's not like that for everybody. Women work hard too, they feel rejected too, this thing is general!”
I couldn't understand why she sounded so upset but I had the inkling that she didn't want him to tow the same path with my Uncle Timi who she lived with during her first year in the university.
According to her, Uncle Timi had constantly reminded her that she didn't have anything to offer him, instead, he was the one doing her a favor by keeping her under his roof. Forgetting that she too did her share by cleaning the house, washing his clothes, cooking, and running errands.
“But men carry a lot of burden. From a tender age, they’re expected to be strong, be responsible, be focused, have their lives figured out because they have to raise a family, and so on…”
My sister was nodding as he spoke. I wish I had my phone on me at that point to record their conversation and turn it into a nice story.
“I agree with you,” my sister was saying. “But does it mean female children can be irresponsible as they grow up? Does that mean there are no expectations placed on the girl child? Don't you know that once a lady gets to a certain age she is expected to know how to prepare all the dishes that exist, she's expected to have motherly, hospitable qualities so that a man can pick her up for marriage…”
I was tired of listening to their bickering so I rose to leave but just then, my sister said something striking.
“Everyone has their cross to bear, irrespective of gender, in this unfairness of life, no one is left out. We all have to make individual choices to live right and live well, to the best of our abilities”
I saw my brother nod in agreement. When he took his phone out again and plugged his earphones in, I was sure he was listening to a different music.