The cool breeze in the school pavilion, the golden glow of the evening sun, the quietness of that evening and the fact that I could see and hear Esther's laughter echo from where I was seated chatting with her friends was all that made that evening so relaxing for me.
She was beautiful as usual, her smile lighting up something in me. The tiny spark flowed sweet words so easily from my brain to my pen as I scribbled beautiful words on my book for her that she'd probably never get to read.
I don't know why, but somehow, I just didn't find the courage to walk up to her and explain myself. Even though she was a very close friend and we spoke on the phone till late in the night every day. I still felt she was way past my league, maybe because she was from a wealthy home. So I preferred to write in secret. At least, that was where the words could come easily without fear. I comforted myself with the thought that she was better off being just a friend than my girlfriend.
My crush on her was the only skeleton in my cupboard at that time that nobody knew not even my closest friend Michael.
Or so I thought.
I remember being in the lecture hall one day trying to work on an assignment that seemed to be torn In my flesh. Micheal sat beside me snooping around in my school bag. According to him, he was hungry and was searching my bag for any cash to go get himself food. I knew I didn't have any cash with me apart from the few naira notes that were meant for our transport back home, which wasn't in my school bag but in my pants pocket. So I didn't bother trying to stop him from searching my bag because I knew he wouldn't find a dime there.
Engrossed in my assignment I heard him say
"Guy, you never told me you're good with literature. See lines mean!" He teased, punching my arm playfully while he held my tiny poem book with the other hand.
"Guy, you're trespassing" I quickly tried to drag the book off him, but he ran away with it. I started to sweat, knowing my little secret would be out soon.
"Oh how I can't stop staring when you're close and now watching. Don't blame me your beauty is just so hard to ignore he read out loud, laughing.
“Oh, come on", I pleaded, looking around just to make sure nobody heard that. But it was too late; the hall was filled with a handful of coursemates.
I kept pleading with him, but Micheal was hellbent on reading out loud all my secrets. The more he read, the more I knew he was getting to the part where I had called out the name and inspiration behind the poem, and the more I prayed, he stopped.
"... to my secret crush Esther," he read, then stopped and looked up at me. His mouth wide open, he quickly pulled me back to the seat and said in a low voice. "Wait, bro, don't tell me this was for Esther, our coursemate?" he asked.
"You just had to read it out loud" I raged, dragging my book off his hands and packing my bags.
"I'm sorry na. I thought it was just a random poem," he apologized, but I wasn't interested in any apology apart from leaving the hall at that moment.
I got up and stormed off with Micheal following me while still apologizing.
A few days later it felt like everyone had forgotten about my little poem. With Michael and I not saying a word about it again. Little did I know that Esther had gotten the word about it somehow.
I remember sitting in the library, trying to focus on another assignment when someone pulled a seat closer to me. I looked up to behold the beautiful face of Esther with her usual warm smile. My heart sank in my belly but I quickly composed myself
"Hey,", I stuttered.
"Hey," she replied so casually like she didn't just startle me. "I heard you write poetry", she added, sitting down.
"Just rumours", I lied, trying not to encourage such conversation while avoiding her gaze.
"Didn't look like it from what I heard" " she continued, holding her head with her hands and staring me deinto in the soul.
"So what did you hear?" I asked, trying to make sure she didn't hear the part where her name was in it.
"That you have one written for me" she smiled.
"Could be any Esther" I lied again.
"From what Micheal told me, it was me", she pushed further.
I looked at her and gnashed my teeth together. "I'm going to kill him myself" I muttered.
She didn't say a word but just kept looking me in the eye.
"What if I told you I feel the same way, too? It's just crazy that all the phone calls and chats you just couldn't tell me but chose to write it in your book"
I couldn't believe my ears. I tried so hard not to show my excitement "I'm sorry. It's just that sometimes I get too nervous" I replied.
She stood up and picked up her bag. "Meet me at the pavilion after school", she added, and then she made her way off the library.
I sat there staring at her as she walked out. I packed my books and headed out to find Michael. I needed to tell him what just happened.
We met after school at the school pavilion, and that was the beginning of our first date as lovers. Esther turned out to be one of the sweetest souls I've ever met. They ended up living the life I had only secretly scribbled in my poems.
Although our relationship wasn't happily ever after, it proved to me that sometimes letting out secrets could lead to something beautiful, even though it's for a few years.