Honestly speaking, I don't have so-called "friends." Everyone has their own cycle of friends, while I don't have any—someone I can run to when I have problems, someone I can talk to whenever I'm feeling down,someone I can tell my secrets to without worrying they will leak to other people. When I was younger, I had lots of friends, but no one stayed, maybe because I had a bad attitude or because I had done something that made them leave. And my pride is too high to admit that I did something wrong to them. My god! I can't even answer my own questions.
In our home, my siblings friends are close to me, but not that close that I can tell the saddest moment I take. But they are always in my side whenever I need them. There are few who I consider close to my heart but they live far and already have their own family, we only meet seldomly.
My mother is the only one who I consider as my bestfriend. She never left me even in the lowest point of my life . The one who always cheers me up and believe in my capacities.
Yes, I have many classmates I associate with every day; lots of students I mingle with.They show their vibrant, pretty faces in front of me and want to befriend me; they are so kind. But I don't understand myself 😫. Whenever I feel that someone is attached to me, I quickly isolate myself with no intention of hanging them around.I keep on questioning myself: What is wrong with me? Maybe some of my classmates have labeled me something bad because of this attitude. I love sitting beside them and talking about something I can relate to. You know, I sit beside everyone, enunciating any topics. Maybe they consider me a friend, but there is something in me that I can't explain. I felt so alone, even though they are around me and make me feel that I am also important. They even call me "Ate" as a sign of respect because my age is twice as old as theirs.
I love watching people have their own friends and do things they love. I'm longing for one, but I always leave someone behind whenever they are with me. So they left and found someone interesting. I blame myself for not keeping them, because honestly, I don't know how to😥. I love buzzing around everyone, but I always set boundaries. I think I'm afraid to get betrayed. I don't know if it's the exact word. Sometimes when I get bored, I sit beside random people and try asking things, and when he or she responds, I keep on talking till I get bored and leave.
I'm adapting to their lifestyle; how can I associate with them? Then suddenly I bumped into this circle of friends. I always hear them laughing in our classroom. It seems like they have no problem at all. I was intimidated at first to come near them, but I tried. Then I found out they are so friendly to be with; they are happy for small things, and it made me amazed.So whenever we don't have something to do, I come to them and have a chit chat about anything, but we don't do gossiping; I don't like it at all, and neither do they. Because of it, little by little, they carve a space in my heart.
One day,one of them invited me to their house because it's a fiesta. I can't really believe it; I can't even take the smile on my face. It was my first time being invited to a celebration. It makes my heart happy to the extent that I keep on telling almost everyone.
I went there along with my daughter, and she entertained me like I was an important person. Oh! I love the feeling; it is really my first time.
She even buys us bracelets with our names on them.
They accepted me for who I really was. I even told them what kind of person I am and what made me be like this, but they said nothing about it and said the past is the past.
She asked me to take a picture with them, and I said yes. I don't delete this picture; I even don't post it on Facebook. I will keep this forever, a simple reminder that there are people who love my presence and company. We talked for hours and then went home straight.
When I came home, I texted them if they went home safe. When they answer, I log out and go to sleep with a smile on my face.
I hope you find my simple blog interesting to read . Have a good day everyone.