Depression isn't something to joke about.
In 2019, I had the most terrifying breakdown due to losing a lot of loved ones. I woke up one morning and heard my cousin dead; my younger brother followed afterwards; and then my grandma. As if that wasn't enough, my dog got stolen, and she just gave birth to her first puppies. We tried all that we could to save them, but they died one by one, and all five of them were buried by me.
The pandemic came along, and we were all made to stay at home. I became super depressed—so depressed that my body started to reject food. The only thing that kept me going were late-night sad songs, but little did I know that they kept me in a depressing state. After the pandemic, I didn't really improve much before I returned to college. And that's when I met God's own servant.
I was a fan of those people who came to preach every Sunday in the hotel; I didn't have anything against them, but I wasn't fond of them either. That's till I met Tracey; she was the most persistent being I have ever come across, always wanting me to visit their fellowship or just listen to the word of God for a few minutes. But because I was so invested in the pain and depression, I felt I paid her no attention, well, until that fateful day.
“Sister Esty, you are here?.” Tracey sat close to me like she was invited, my mind contemplating whether I should respond to her or not, but I didn't want to be rude just because I wanted to be left alone.
“Good evening, Tracey; yes, I'm here meditating alone.” I plugged in one of my earpieces. I was in one of those moods, thinking of how life was so unfair, how I felt lonely for some odd reasons, and how I thought my family didn't care about me as much as they said they did. There were so many negative thoughts in my mind.
“You can struggle so much, but this battle is not your own to fight; let God intervene for you.” I was so far in thought that I almost forgot the person sitting next to me. Tracey's voice brought me back to reality.
“What do you mean?” I asked. It wasn't like I didn't believe there was a God, but the truth was, I didn't believe he was there in my case because why would he let all these bad things happen?
“Let God take the wheel." Sister Esty, you have been holding it for a long time. You have so much negative energy around you, it's like you don't want to let this negative energy go.” Tracey said.
I couldn't say anything because this was mostly true; I have been holding back so much in my mind.
“What kind of Christian music do you have?.” She inquired.
“I don't really listen to Christian's songs.” I told her.
“But I have one for you; you would love it.”
I was about to reject her when she pulled out her phone and started playing ‘Firm Foundation’ by Maverick City Music.
The first line of the lyrics had caught my attention, and as the song kept going, I found myself listening, but at some point with my heart, it felt like the song was communicating to me, and I felt for the first time something in me opened, like I was letting go of something, and for the first time, I honestly cried because I felt some relief, like God was listening to me even if I wasn't listening to him.
Tracey was there to comfort me, who knew that I just needed just one song from Maverick City Music to start my healing. The following week I started attending Tracey's fellowship, and before I knew it, I was deleting all my negative music, all those depressing songs. I wanted to turn a new leaf. As time moved on, I started to download Christian songs, listening to healing and enriching music for the soul.
It was a brief encounter with Tracey, but it changed my life. I was back on my feet, and before school ended, I was seeing a lot of changes in myself, my character, and even my dressing. I went from wearing black and black to different colors of dress, I smiled more, and I came to realize that God had his purpose for everything; not all bad things are meant to bring us down but to heighten our faith. I also learned that you can never grow if what you listen to won't let you. You need to fill your soul with positive energy, and one way to do that is through good and enriching music.
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