Hi to all my actifiters friends around the worlds, how are you doing today? I am hoping that you are all healthy and fine.
Lately my little family having a hectic moment. So will tell from the moment after we returned from vacation. As you all know my vacation is just deceiver for me and my wife grieving moment. But, the problem itself not yet finished. My wife still need to make the baby born premature with medicine. So, the day after we returned from vacation. My wife took the pill that can make contraction in her belly to forcing the deliver. From the morning until evening, she is just having mini contraction in her belly. And live still going on as usual. But, when the night comes. She felt the intense pains in her belly. And make her cannot move at all. So i have initiative to bring her to hospital. And it turns out the the water broke and need to take care immediately. So she entered in IGD and not need to wait to long. The baby delivered. As i said that my baby have condition that need to be terminated. So, after the baby comes out, she still alive. With the condition it not make the baby survive to long. Just a few minute until she cannot breath and the heart stopped. When i saw the baby. Yeah i am scared and my heart is like broken. Really broken. But the fear still overcoming me and i still need to use the logical moment to settle the hectic moment. I still need to make sure that my wife will be okay. And i still need to take care my son at that moment. So i dont have time yo proccessing the broken heart moment. Maybe i will make the content about my baby condition so my beloved reader can learn and avoid having condition like me. So after the baby is officially died. I took administration first for my wife. After that i called my brother to help me took care my son. Since i still need to accompany my wife in hospital for the night. And i dont wanna my son with me in hospital and sleep without bed.
Yeah my son said too after i said that he need yo be with his uncle for a night. He doesn't want to leaving me and my wife.
But, he need to be with my brother. and i am forcing him to leave to my brother house. After that i am going to my wife and make sure she is still okay. i cannot day anything when accompany her beside her bed. She is crying all night and cannot sleep. Thats the moment that my sad emotion comes out. Tears stream and my heart is really really hurt. And i make call to our parents and gives the news. They come visit us in the next morning and helping my baby to be creamated.
In the next day, early in the morning after both of our parents come. They took care of my dead baby. And bring her to the creamatorium. While me and my wife waiting in hospital since my wife still need to recovery. And this time i cannot sleep at all. All night i cannot sleep and my mind is like fighting with my heart. Between the logical and emotion. Sad, angry, confused, together mixing in my head. After waiting the administration in hospital. Finally my wife can going back home in the afternoon. We are like more siilent than before. Both of us are like fighting our grieving and trying to still strong in this moment. After lunch, we are going to take my son from my brother and going home. My brother trying to calming my emotion too. And encourange me. But, i feel like too tired with the battle inside my head and my heart. And after arrived at home. My wife and my son going to sleep. Yeah they need to recover both physically and mentally. Meanwhile me cannot sleep at all. I am trying too. But when i close my eyes. The tragedy still flashing back to my vision. And make me repeating the grieving moment again. So, i decided to work to forcing my mind still to be logical. And yeah i barely can sleep at 3 a. m in the next morning. The next day, my wife emotion still not stable at all. She still often crying. And what i am gratefull is my son can calmed our heart. He can give a little peace to our heart that can make our mind still sane. But, until today. Sometimes my wife still crying when nobody looks. I know it, but i cannot doing anyting because when i hugged her, she will cry louder. And for me, i am still trying to let it go. But, sometimes my heart still hurt too. And today i am back with working again doing some routine. And starting cleaning the mess in my house after the hectic moment. I am hoping that in the few weeks we can still trying to have pregnant program again. But, i dont know. I think we need to regain our mental health first then starting the pregnancy program again. I know that time can healing the wound in our heart. But, i think it will be a scars in our heart. What we can learn is to make sure we eat more healthy to avoid this tragedy comes again in the future. After all. Good bye for my little daughter. Me as a father trully sorry to make this decision to not directly like kill you. But, this decision is better than you need to suffer more in the future. i am hoping that God will take you in His Kingdom. And prepare the best place for you.
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Height180 cm |  | Weight82 kg |  | Body Fat% |  |
Waistcm |  | Thighscm |  | Chestcm |  |
