Say it

Something I've observed over time is how people tend to become complacent within their relationship - I mean with the special person in their life - and I've watched it go badly many times.

I'm not saying it always ends with catastrophe, just that it's often meant both parties settle into a routine, lose passion, connection and often respect for each other and when those things are allowed to happen...well, is that how a loving relationship should be? Hint: Of course not!

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I believe many things combine for a couple to have a good relationship. But what is good? That's subjective of course, but I think things like passion, spontaneity, humour, attraction, good communication, fun, respect, interest, teamwork, supportiveness and trust are a few of those elements. Wouldn't you agree? What others do you think you'd add?

I put in the word communication above and I think that's one of the pillars that holds a good relationship up and I think people need to work harder on communicating better, more effectively and with greater understanding; with the family unit breaking down rapidly and the divorce rate skyrocketing I feel this is a critical aspect. So, here's a few things I and my partner say which help us communicate better and which work towards creating a lasting, meaningful and solid relationship.

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Learn how to say these things genuinely

• It matters to me if it matters to you.
• I'd not like to assume, so I'm asking because I care.
• I want to apologise for...[insert reason here]
• We do it differently and neither way is right or wrong.
• Neither of us are perfect and it's ok to be wrong, mess up or to fail.
• We own our own feelings, we're in charge, but yours matter to me.
• I love you even when we're upset with each other.
• I want to check in and understand how you're feeling about...[insert thing here]
• Thank you for showing patience and understanding about...[insert reason here]

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I'm no relationship expert however I believe that these phrases said genuinely (and others like them) can strengthen and deepen a relationship and help future-proof it as well. It's difficult enough to get by in the complicated world in which we live so why diminish the strength, meaning and value of our relationships when a few well-chosen and heartfelt words can do the opposite, support, build and better it.