“Okay and yes to everything I will say to you, do not argue."
No matter how I think about it, I could not in all fairness accept such a deal.
This is my response to the topic asked in the Ladies of Hive community for this week.
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Marriage is a harmonious partnership where both partners actively participate in decision-making. The Bible speaks about husbands and wives submitting themselves to one another out of love and respect (Ephesians 5:21). This shows that it is a mutual courtship, not that one partner dominates the other.
Let's go back to the creation story; the woman was created as a man's "helper" to complement him (Genesis 2:18) - in which again a partnership seems to be suggested. A man who adopts a controlling mindset and makes demands, expecting unquestioning obedience, directly contradicts the biblical ideals of partnership and mutual respect embodied in the creation story.
If I were to simply bend my head down and agree with everything he is saying, and not raise my voice against him or question him, it would be a mockery of the bond of marriage. As far as its applicability in practice is concerned, it can clearly be seen that nobody is correct every time or has a patent lock on all the good ideas and the orderly use of practical judgment. We all have blind spots. With this in mind, I shall be in a position to provide him with different aspects he probably overlooked bearing in mind that I have a totally different perception of things from his perspective due to being his wife. As long as I am not allowed to express these viewpoints, I am not fulfilling my role as an affirmative, evaluative individual.
Additionally, this controlling and authoritative behaviour dismisses my feelings and opinions. It shows no regard for my feelings or well-being. Marriage should be an exciting adventure of celebrating life with one another as two distinct persons. My personal needs, aspirations, beliefs, and principles still matter, even in our partnership. Like anyone, I crave respect, understanding, and a voice in our relationship. If my thoughts and feelings are consistently suppressed for the sake of this harmonic idea that he loves so much, then I cease to be an equal partner in the relationship. I become a possession of his desires rather than a valued individual with my voice.
When one person asserts this kind of control in a relationship, it leads to resentment, anxiety, anger, and stagnation. Forced obedience suffocates my freedom, destroying my satisfaction. Even when it seems like I'm independent, submitting without discussion takes a psychological and emotional burden. I lose my voice, identity, and independence, feeling trapped and unheard.
Husbands are directed to love their wives as they love themselves and care tenderly for them (Ephesians 5:28-29). An abusive attitude does not fit with being loving and caring.
For the life of me, I cannot find any biblical passage that supports a husband ordering his wife around like a master to a servant, expecting blind obedience. It's simply not there. All the marriage rules I've read emphasize mutual love, respect, and equality - not dominance.
The Bible does not say that wives should submit to their husbands in everything in a blind manner. Instead of it being ‘this is the way it’s going to be done; or else,’ a husband can show his love to his wife by being open to her input. If asserting that consensus cannot be reached, then other forms of compromise must be pursued, something other than the man’s initial choice.
Lastly, if he tries to impose unconditional obedience on me, I'll gently remind my partner that we are partners for life in the way the Bible intended. Husbands and wives should listen to each other kindly, keep the other’s interests in mind, and be equals in love and as partners agreed in purpose.
Marriage isn't a dictatorship where only one voice dominates. It's a partnership! However if my concerns are ignored, I may seek pastoral guidance requiring openness and a mutual desire for correction. In a healthy marriage, both partners freely share thoughts. Submission follows thoughtful consideration, guided by prayer.
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