Am I writing this just to cope because I believe in working hard ?

Beats me. It’s up to the readers or you to decide but I came to this conclusion and even believe more in hard work simply because I find joy in it. Now, nobody will tell me otherwise or make me doubt it ever again.

Those who knew me always wondered why I worked hard. It seemed like at one point, my life revolved around working hard and doing my best. I never flinched on the monetary reward and money wasn’t the top list that drove me to work hard. I simply love working for the sake of working and hoping that I was going to make any difference in the world(leading by example was my motto). Maybe I was also looking to distract myself? But we’ll explore that.

Why work hard?

"Just sell your body—you'd make more than from all the pointless work you're doing." said a person that I used to know once.Technically, why bother with earning pennies on the side when I could say, “ could you please help me with my expenses this month?”. I also had the option to just get married early when I got the chance to 😂 and live the dream of becoming a housewife, never worrying about bills but managing the house and creating more wealth. So, why work hard? Why complicate my life?

It’s not like I have the privilege to be raised wealthy. I know dozens of people in my circle that technically don't need to work their whole lives because they are wealthy enough to afford life for a few generations.

Not just people, my biological siblings are prime examples. Their life is paid for and to the point their children’s life got paid for as well. They could just stay at home honestly and do nothing 😂 but all I heard was always drama from their life. It’s too cumbersome and their survival and independence is next to nothing.

I value freedom too, so that’s why. I chose to live my other reality where I am the sole breadwinner of my family. My dad is in a wheelchair and my mom is the caretaker. More reason for me to work hard when the medical bills aren't cheap.

I got swayed once, caught up in comparison.

I didn’t realize that perhaps one’s way to the top was not through hard work. We all have different ways to succeed and it’s bad to just compare us to them. I listened to the voices that basically said, “ why are you working so hard, the reward isn’t matching your effort?”, “ Why bother haha?” “ Why bother when they get more than you do?”. Once you hear this long enough, you internalize it and forget that you do enjoy working hard.

I became bitter and got even more depressed. The thing is;

I truly enjoy working hard and it gives me joy.

In the world where people want work, life, balance, I honestly don’t. It’s nice in moderation but too much of it is bad for me.

Recently, as I embraced myself more, I realized that my way to success is by working hard. Everything else is really just a noise to me. If somebody tells me what I do isn’t worth it, so be it. Maybe this isn’t their way and they could find their way somewhere – a place where they are valued more.

To me, as long as I enjoy doing it, everything else is truly secondary.

Am I delusional?

What if I can’t pay bills? That’s fine 😂 & that happened. Also, I am not going to sit around and not do anything about it. In my family and how I grew up, we believe that a penny is still money. Even if today I don’t get billions, a penny works & I'll be grateful for it. The idea is , once you collect those pennies, they become something & that’s how bills get paid.

The rules that I abide

I work hard when I love the things I do. I can leave things when I don’t find joy in them. I am not scared because that’s just how my track record of life goes. I quit a lot of things that I no longer feel enjoyable and meaningful. I could be on top of my game but suddenly quit simply because I no longer find meaning in them but then other opportunities would be open for me.

As if I haven’t talked enough about it, I hit my rock bottom and recently it was my lowest low. From there, I learned all the things that I could have improved and how I forgot the things that truly defines me and brought me joy.

I got so caught up in comparing myself to others not knowing that I honestly did well for myself all these years. I’ve improved myself a lot as well. I know, I used to hate living and thought that living is pointless. Somehow lately, I got reminded of a flowchart I used to make back in the day to determine my decision.

It often goes like this.

I also used to make a flowchart when I decided if I wanted to stay alive or die. I keep coming back finding more reason to stay alive when I have the flowchart and maybe one day I don’t? Who knows. For now at least it isn’t as grim as before. Maybe I won't get the option to decided those but I used to think I got the options and I choose to stay alive especially when I make those flowchart.

There are a lot of doors in life that I haven’t unlocked yet and that keeps me going in life. I increase my chances of unlocking more doors by working hard. Again, maybe your way isn’t through hard work but that is something that works for me. Whatever anybody said now that it's all unfair, that this is this and that, that wouldn't be a reflection of how I should be living my life.