Yesterday while engaging in my normal wednesday activity of preaching a very weird but througt provoking question came up and it got me pondering throughout the day. The conversation went like this.
Mr A: can I ask you a question?
Me: feel free to please
Mr A: I noticed that you don't have a friend or you are being to reserved lately?
Me: is it an observation or a question?
Mr A said it's both ways and so he would like to know if all is well with me.
Me: well lately I have been disappointed and because I have high expectations from people I choose to keep to myself to avoid heartbreak.
I don't feel comfortable when all I get from a friend is story about other people (gossip) because you will talk about me to someone else.
I don't get the same energy I give, I can go out of my way to make sure my friends are happy and comfortable around me, I am always present and ready to listen when they need someone to talk to. But I don't get the in return so I stop.
I am tired of always being the bigger person in every relationship and that's exhausting.
Mr A: oh! I understand I don't like gossip and each time someone brings it up I try to stop the conversation so they tag me a" kill joy"
( We both laughed about it) Mr A tried giving a suggestion.
Mr A: what about you find some you like and tell the person about what you want in a relationship and how you like to be treated.
Me: well, that's not a bad idea but I would appreciate it more if you act yourself around me(be real) you don't have to pretend to be what's your not. I also wouldn't enjoy any relationship where there are rules and guidance on how we can act or behave around each other .
I hate hypocrisy and I love people who are genuine/ intentional.
Mr A: Hmmmm I never thought about it that way, I honestly appreciate your reasoning. It's better to be a friend to all then.
Me: well being a friend to all isn't bad, being cordial with other is cool. I have talk to all around me, laugh, joke and talk about random things and it ends there. That doesn't make you my friend we are just acquaintance.
My friends are those who share the same value with me, who are there for me, we share some common goals and we are comfortable around each other.
Mr A: it's really nice having this conversation with you, thanks for sharing.
Me: you are welcome.
After this whole conversation I was left with my thought I checked myself trying to pick at least one person I can call a friend presently, but it's so unfortunate I don't have to one.
I want to improve and be better, so please tell me what can I do to get a friend? How can I keep the relationship ? Are my expectations of a friend too high?
Please I honestly need your honest opinion and suggestions in this matter.