I have come to accept the fact that for me to do better at anything, I must be willing to accept the truth about myself whether it is coming From myself or someone else. All my life I've come to notice that I always struggled with accepting some things about myself because I feel since it idalmsn't a good thing then it shouldn't be mentioned about me but I was wrong.
Since I was 15 years old, I've struggled to live a life that people can barely find any faults with and even if they do, it shouldn't be something despicable. Yes, do find faults with me but it shouldn't be something that I'm trying so hard to avoid. Sometimes when people try to correct me, I sometimes feel they are trying to be judgemental but then I most times end up making better choices when I just listen.
To listen is one of the hardest things to do especially when you've made up your mind on a particular thing. It will take a whole lot to make me change my mind on that particular thing. Naturally, it's only normal for one to thread with caution so they don't make too many mistakes. My fears for being wrong most of the time has made me developed this defense technic for myself and that is for me to always accept that I'm the one at fault.
Always knowing that I might be the one who is or was wrong has helped me find peace even in my darkest moments. I learnt how to be sorry when I should be and be grateful when I should be. But in all of these, I've come to also realize that I find it so hard to relate my thoughts, my feelings through speaking, I just prefer to do so by writing these days. Although prior to now, I just prefer to not say anything be it through writing or spoken words.
Sometimes it makes me wonder how I manage to make friends because despite how jovial I seem to be, I still find it hard to completely socialize with people, it takes me a really long time before I get comfortable around people so it's easy to know when I like someone, I easily accommodate them in my little space. Thanks to the internet, I've gotten more friends than I can even count but also thanks to the internet I find it so hard to even build my self confidence in appearing and speaking before people.
I'm a very hard yet simple person but it's even difficult for me to know when these two phases happen in my life. I've lost some really good relationships because of some of my excesses. I've not been a great friend to so many and I know the some I shouldn't be bothered about it but then I know for me to grow I have to consider others too. I'm hurt whenever I'm being told I'm wrong about something but then I know at that point that I need that advise.
Henceforth I've decided to be more intentional about looking inwardly and be very mindful of how I do things and how I take things that people say and do. I may not be the best friend, sister, colleague and more, but trust me I want to be more and I'm getting my mind prepared for it. I will make mistakes and definitely those that Love me or care about me a little will always try to point out my errors to me and I hope even though I'm sad, I will still try to take the advise and also corrections.
I have myself to work on and I want to take that seriously so I can be ready whenever and wherever corrections/advise comes. I do hope you can relate with this and let yourself heal too from within ❤️.