Konnichiwa Hivers! It's me again, your one and only ridgette, and for today, I'm going to share a little of my emotional journey for my whole Wednesday. Lately, I've been so busy to the point that everything I do exhausts me so much. I'm usually not like this, but it seems my life is on its downside. I've been struggling to find motivation to somehow exert effort in anything I do. It's really a sad fact that I felt that way because, for me, it felt so wrong, but that feeling is bound to be dispelled.
The Dreaded Day
I hate math, and everyone who knows me knows that I don't like it. To be fair, I once aspired to be a math enthusiast because of the certain math screening exam that I unwillingly entered way back in my sophomore year of high school. I wasn't forced to take the examination, but let's say I'm just unwilling because, honestly, it isn't compulsory to do so, but for the love of my unhealthy math grades, I needed to join. Extra points will be given to the students who will join the qualifying examination, so yeah—I took the bait. Gladly, I was able to receive an invitation from the Mathematics Trainer's Guild that signified that I had passed the qualifying exam. I was happy because I know my extra points were secured because I passed the exam, but there's more to it.
A few days after I received the invitation, which obviously I will not accept because the registration fee was quite expensive, the announcement of the pupils who made it to the overall ranking of the MTG qualifying exam will be made. Obviously, I know it will be another long assembly because of the announcement, so I kind of dreaded it. After the prayers and school announcements, the time for the MTG ranking announcement came. I really prayed that it would finish faster because I hate squatting on the floor for a long period of time. The time finally came, and the announcement for sophomore-ranked qualifiers began, and unexpectedly, I was called, and I was in the rank 4!
I was shocked at first because I couldn't believe that I was ranked, and it was even in the rank 4! I, who attended a lot of remedial classes just to save my sorry math grades, was able to be ranked in fourth place? It was really a miracle! I only stood when my classmate pushed me to stand up because I really thought I just misheard it. I mean, there were a lot of participants from several other schools (both private and public) at that time who participated in the qualifying examination, and many of those students looked really smart. I didn't expect that I would be included among the few sophomores from our school who would be ranked, and that day was unforgettable for me.
Anyway, back to the present, my dreaded day came, and it's the day of giving back our math quiz scores and midterm test papers. I was really hoping and praying that I'd somehow pass both my quiz and midterm exam. Also, that day is our midterm exam continuation because there's still two subjects that we haven't taken yet, so until that time I'm still stuck with midterm exam jitters. Naturally, I'm nervous because I know that I'm not prepared. I studied before that day, but to no avail; I still feel that I'm not ready. Of 'course, I don't have a choice but to wake up and go to campus.
I woke up early that time, and surprisingly, I found out that my shoe, which I'd washed the evening before that day, was dried. I thought it would not be dried that morning, but indeed, I underestimated the heat. I hurried my way to school because there's a math class that day, and unfortunately, it's our first subject. I don't want to be locked out outside, so I really avoid being late. The traffic was terrible, but when I got off the multicab, I immediately jogged my way towards the campus.
Fortunately, I arrived at the campus almost out of breath. After a few moments, our professor asked some of our classmates to distribute the checked test papers. I waited patiently for my paper to be given to me, and when I saw my midterm test paper, relief flooded in. I passed! I was really elated to know that my efforts in understanding those math concepts paid off. It was really wonderful news for me. I thought no greater news would surpass that, but I'm mistaken.
I was more surprised when I received my quiz result in math. I got perfect! As in, no wrong! I really didn't expect to ace my quiz because I somehow struggled to answer it. Nevertheless, I somehow anticipated that I would pass the exam, but I never expected that I would perfect it. I was really proud of myself because once in a while I got to experience what it is like to feel good in a subject that I usually don't get good at. It's really a nice feeling, and I'm happy to experience it again after years of not encountering it.
After feeling that sudden gust of happiness, my mood somehow got better. I somehow felt motivated to exert more effort on the things that I did that day. That boost in motivation is exactly what I also need that day because, in the afternoon, I will again experience another ordeal, and it's our midterm exam continuation. I spent the rest of my free time studying because, like I said, I really feel that I'm not ready for the examination in the afternoon. Time ran so fast, and after our lunch, our midterm exam continuation started.
After almost an hour of answering the test paper, I finished and submitted it to our instructor. I'm quite in a daze after our exam because my brain seemed to be fuzzy. When we're all dismissed, my classmate and I immediately discuss our answers. It seems that we still haven't moved on from our examination. We discussed our answers for a few more minutes, until we finally decided to go home. The first part of our examination is finished, but we still have to face the second part the next day.
On my way back home, I contemplate the things that I've done lately. I realized that my life now is really different from before. Although there were certainly surprises way back then, most of my actions were according to my plans. Experiencing a life-and-death situation really changed me. I realized that your life is really predestined because, no matter how hard you try to achieve something, if that's not what He really will for you, then it's futile. I'm not saying that He doesn't recognize our efforts; it's just that I realized that I've been focusing much on following my plan to the point that I wasn't bothered knowing what the things were that He really planned for me.
I've been so focused on achieving my planned college life, but when all my plans toppled down, I almost lost it all...almost. I thought it was finally over, but he laid out other plans for me. I still don't know what His plans are for me, but one thing is for sure: I need to make the most of my current life. It is sure different from the previous one, but I'll try my best to spend it all doing the things that I love and spending more time with people important to me. I don't know when my time will run out, but unlike taking my midterm exam, I'll definitely try my best to be ready for it.
treating myself a simple snack, 'cause why not?
Overall, the journey of my emotions on Wednesday was like a rollercoaster ride. It was tranquil and steady at first. As the day rose, I became nervous, and then a sudden gust of happiness and excitement filled me when I got the pleasant news. It's like I'm at the peak of a rollercoaster when I experience it. After experiencing that, I had to ride way down, feeling nervous again before and during the exam. Afterwards, I felt relief the moment I finished—a relief that you'll feel when you finish a ride on a rollercoaster.
That's all for now, Hivers! Thank you for reading my lengthy Wednesday emotional journey. I'm hoping that you'll be there when I share my new blog again. So...
Mata ne~
Note: The first picture was edited on Canva, while the rest were from my phone's photo album.