As Nigerians, we always thought that we were a special breed of human beings. So when we see the news on foreign news of mental illness and in some cases of people committing suicide because of this illness, I for one always laugh at them and say "can never be my country people".
As time went by, gradually we started seeing in our local news that some people jumped off the bridge, some students drank sniper (an insecticide), and some others. This left me to ponder if the generational blood is getting weaker. I guess that is where it all started from, we were not getting stronger hiding our feelings but it was eating us up from the inside.
Seeing all these happening in my country, I concluded that I couldn't get depressed. To show how I thought so highly of myself, I got into a debate and was against the motion that Christians get depressed. What I didn't know was that mine was cooking and it was cooking well enough to be served hot and spicy just as I like my meals.
So, how did I fall into depression and what caused it?
Well, it wasn't a girl or school or family matter. It was the root of all evil. Yes, it was money that pushed me into depression. The funniest thing is that I wasn't thinking of how to get the money but just that I lost all that I had gathered, my business, etc. The time I lost the 300k to scammers was the height of it all. At that moment, I closed my door and windows and was indoors for almost a full day crying and thinking about my life "How was I so stupid" was the thought that came into my head, "trojan you knew better, should I go to the native doctor and track this person down?" all these and more were what was ringing in my head and the suicidal thought also came because the money wasn't mine as I was just helping someone to exchange his assets.
Well, all these were just thoughts and I couldn't bring myself to do any maybe because of my religion or my mindset. All I could do was keep crying and I guess I prayed a little bit and I remembered the story of Job in the Bible. As I was still inside thinking about my life, a friend came around, and at first, I didn't want to open the door for her because I didn't want to speak to anyone, I had no choice but to open the door and let her in. You can say that was my first step to healing because she knew I was hurt and she forced me to speak up and I eventually did. So we went for a stroll and I guess I was much better afterward.
This happened in early 2021 and now fast-forward to December during the crossover, the second wave hit me as I was joining the crowd to shout Happy New Year, a voice came in my head and said, what are you celebrating? what did you achieve in this past year in less than 5 seconds, all the things I thought I had put behind me came rushing back and my smile turned upside down. I was just oozing negative energy all through and it was very obvious to anyone who cared to take note. While my =family was having fun, making calls, and receiving calls, I was at the back thinking and replaying the voice over and over. It took me 2 weeks to get over the depression and trust me, it wasn't easy for me to do. I had to go out and mingle with people just to get myself distracted from the thought.
After the whole outing, I sat down to plan my year, and believe me when I say that 2022 was one of my amazing years and the start of great work. I turned my depression into motivation and used it to remind myself of how far I have come to go back whenever I feel discouraged.