Saying "I love you" and "I care for you" as a way of showing love and care for my family is never my thing. I think I only said "I love you" once to them. I know I should say it more, that I should be vocal about it, but, you know, it's not that easy. Especially I grew up without feeling that "love" and "care" and without knowing how to actually spread them to the world. I can only show my love and care to someone through action, but if you are waiting for me to say it to hear it, nah, sorry, but I just can't.
Although they had ways to show their love to me when I was a kid, I never realized that earlier. And because of that, I feel so embarrassed to even utter those words to them. Maybe if they show it to me when I was a kid or if only they teach me what "love" really is, maybe I'll get used to it now and will never be ashamed to say or show it to them. But, I also wish for the time to come where I will never be too shy to say those words to them. Like forget about being shy.
I know I should be proud and really say it while showing it too, but nope, it's not that easy. I can show, but I can never say the words. Now, with the question: how do you truly show someone you care? Is it a grand gesture, a thoughtful gift, heartfelt words, or something entirely different entirely?
I show it through action and a little bit of "nagging," if you know what I mean, lol. I care for my oldies, so when I see that they are doing things that they shouldn't do or taking foods that are not allowed for them, I will remind them of this and that, like I am the real adult in the household. To the point of being called a nagging daughter. Mom often gets annoyed at me if I'm being like that, but she sometimes listens to me and often does not. Now she knows what it feels like to get "nagged" by someone. Lol.
Well, I care so of course I will do that, I can actually do that now. I can say some of my pieces to them, but I can't say, "I love you." Isn't that ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ? But well, I'm sure they know and feel it. My way of showing it is kind of lame, but at least right.
Or when there's an occasion like yesterday's Valentine's Day. I didn't greet them or anything, no, "Hey Mom, Happy Hearts Day!" But I bought a chocolate ice cream as a way to let them know that I love them and that I care. And that even though I didn't greet them, I remembered that it's Valentine's Day and that giving them ice cream is also like reminding them that I care. It's really just simple, but actually, prior to that, I was already thinking of giving them chocolates, you know, just the small ones, lol.
I saw a toblerone chocolate in one of the grocery stores near our place, the price is $0.23 each. But when I checked it, it was too small, so I think it won't be enough for them considering that I planned to give them one each only - what a cheapskate, I know, I know, lol. And this is the reason why I didn't push through with the plan. I thought ice cream was so much better than that because that's our favorite. So in the end, I bought ice cream for all of us. It's cheap, but we're able to enjoy it, and I was able to put a smile on my mom's and oldies faces.
And I think that's already bih enough, no? But I think I'll try to be more vocal with them. Let's see, I'll try to do that. Even though I'm used to this kind of act now, there's no harm in trying. But you know, even my oldies is okay without me saying anything. Because just through my action, they already it. But yeah, for a change, I'll try it. I'll so it slowly.
