In all I do, I don't take pride in any action of mine that falls short of the standard expected of me by my family and friends. I am always ready to make corrections but I don't like being corrected in such a way that my self-esteem would be punctured.
If you don't like my actions as a friend that respects me, you can correct me subtly in public. In private you can be as critical as you want. I will appreciate you for that.
This was the major bone of contention between me and my ex-girlfriend. Our dating journey started on a smooth note. At the peak of it, we could barely stay for one hour without calling to hear each other's voice. He was in Lagos while I was in Jos, a journey of more than 10 hours by road. Due to the distance, we couldn't meet each other physically the way we had wanted. This prevented us from knowing certain details about each other. Especially our likes and dislikes.
She was a very religious lady. She always encouraged me to be up and doing with my spiritual life. The day that she got to know that I drink and smoke, she complained bitterly. She was utterly disappointed. I promised her that I would work on myself and quit.
The relationship was smooth and we both looked up to when we planned to meet. We planned to meet in December that year. We planned to meet at our hometown to celebrate the yuletide season together.
As the day drew nearer, some of my home based friends were eager to receive me. Whenever we are together, we dine and wine together. Our bond of friendship was so strong that I don't joke with anything that concerns them. They reciprocate such love too.
My girlfriend and I arrived at our hometown the same day. We planned to meet the following day, which was Christmas Eve. My friends also reminded me of our annual gathering on Christmas Eve. Every December 24th, we used to have a get-together. We would drink alcohol and have fun till the wee hours of Christmas day. I promised my friends that I would attend the get-together.
I went to see my girlfriend on the afternoon of the 24th and we stayed together, talking about many topics till the evening of that day. When I checked my watch and realized that it was 6 pm, I reminded her that I was going to meet my friends.
"Where is the venue of the get-together?" She looked straight into my eyes and asked.
"It's at Billy guest bar," I responded.
She frowned her face and went silent for a few seconds.
"You don't have anything to do in the bar," she continued. "Remember that you promised me that you will quit drinking and smoking."
"Let's not be too fast about this," I held her hand and tried to make her understand my position. "I will fulfill my promise to you. It's for my own benefits because I know the health implications of drinking and smoking. But let me meet them. I will not stay long. Please," I pleaded for her understanding.
"You will have to choose between me and your friends," she said to my utmost shock.
"I don't like the way you are handling this issue. You have your place in my heart and I value my friends too. Please don't make two of you options for me to choose from. I cherish you and I cherish my friends. I need all of you."
She remained silent with her face burning with anger.
I wasn't comfortable with the way she was handling the whole situation but I needed to be mature in how I reacted. In order to pacify her, I came up with another plan.
"Dear, let me just see them and extend my pleasantries to them. I won't sit down. I will return immediately."
"In that case, I want to follow you there," she responded.
I agreed with her to go with me. We left for the bar which was about a 15 minutes drive away. At that time, my phone was busy ringing from their calls. My absence was being felt at the roundtable.
When we arrived at the bar, my girlfriend opted not to follow me inside the bar.
"Let me wait for you dear. Don't stay long please."
"Are you not eager to meet my friends? Why won't you follow me inside?" I asked her.
"I don't associate with drunkards," she replied to me.
That reply pierced my heart like a red hot iron. I saw it as a rude remark to my friends that I hold in high esteem. Whenever I find myself in that kind of situation, the best thing to do is to restrain myself from responding. My heart was raging with anger.
I left her and went straight to meet my friends. On sighting my coming, the four of them gave me a standing ovation. The best of the available chairs was reserved for me.
I barely sat down when they called on the bar attendant to serve me my favorite drinks.
"I won't be able to sit down for long, guys. In fact, I won't take anything."
"Why will you say that? You are not going anywhere," one of my friends countered me while others nodded in agreement.
"My girlfriend is waiting for me outside. We will meet another time before I travel back to my base."
"While will you keep your girlfriend outside? Don't you want her to meet us?"
Before I could respond to the questions, they all stood up in order to follow me to see her.
"If you don't want us to meet her, we are interested in meeting her. Let's go," they all chorused.
They followed me outside the bar to meet my girlfriend. I introduced them to my girlfriend and vice versa.
My girlfriend scanned each of them with her eyes from head to toes before responding with her nostril.
My friends and I were shocked. Each time any of my friends opened his mouth to talk, my wife would withdraw back and cover her nose.
My friends bore the embarrassment. I was totally disappointed.
Though I was ready to quit drinking and smoking, the embarrassing approach of my girlfriend set my teeth on edge. I expressed my displeasure after we left my friends but she didn't see anything wrong with what she did. That action formed a crack in our relationship. I felt that there are better ways to make me stop drinking and not necessarily by disrespecting my friends.
I had to apologize to my friends later.
The relationship could not work and both of us parted ways.
The wisdom that my ex-girlfriend couldn't apply to make me quit drinking, I met a compatible girlfriend that got the wisdom.
Today, I don't drink alcohol nor do I smoke. She handled the situation without insulting or disrespecting my friends. I am glad that she is my wife today.
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