Oddly enough, this week's V-Day Ladies of Hive theme merged with something I was thinking about just now. I never quite know what to say when people talk about suicide. I don't think anyone does, really. 'Cause I'm someone who's really aware how easily something bad could happen. The flick of a switch that could end it all for another human being and it just stuns me completely. Like, a lot of people say "Oh I thought they were only joking, I never thought they'd do that". I don't think they're joking. I think it's more of a matter of wrong emotions, wrong time. Anything can happen.
So I really don't know what to say. And I was thinking, trying to figure out something to say, and I thought, well, what would I have liked to hear when I was down? Except I've never wanted to die. Weird. Seems most teenagers are fated to go through that whole "I could end this all" awe at some point, but I never did. Through all the bad shit that came my way in the ensuing years, I never once thought about that.
So that didn't really help me in my quest for an answer. But then I realized, what you say doesn't matter at all. You could tell them anything. Could even tell them to do it, depending on how you said it.
People don't listen to what you're saying a lot of the time, and I think, when we're really blue and feel really small in this world, I think we're trying to prove to ourselves that someone cares. And that's not in what you say. It's in how you say it. It's in the tone of voice, in the attention you're paying to the conversation and a million other things that might be the make-or-break factor for somebody.
As John Irving put it,
A lot of the time, we're tempted to brush it off because it scares us to hear someone talk like that. So we just say "oh come on, it can't be so bad", or "there's people who care, why would you say that?!". Somehow reprimanding, chastising this fragile person for being vulnerable with us. I think it takes great temerity and strength to put aside your own (considerable) fear in the moment, and be strong for that someone else.
It's fantastic, the strength we're capable of for other human beings. Really worth living for, I think.
And then, my thoughts slipped to the LOH question about Valentine's Day,
Do you have heartwarming memories, hilarious mishaps, or do you prefer to let it pass without fanfare?
Every year, it's just a war between those people who do the whole commercial shazam, and those who say oh, Valentine's Day is bullshit. I think it's bullshit, too. The commercial side, at least. The pink teddy bear and the overpriced flowers and the mandatory dinner with your "significant other". That's obviously just marketing.
At the same time, if you need some stupid commercial holiday to tell the people you love that you love them, then it's not a bad reason. As long as you tell them. 'Cause life's very short, and you don't really know how much or how little they need to hear it right now.
Forget Valentine's Day — how do you truly show someone you care? Is it a grand gesture, a thoughtful gift, heartfelt words, or something different entirely?
In thinking back to darker times in my own life, I realized the one message that did help me overcome was that I wasn't alone. That someone understood exactly what was going on. And isn't that what you're saying when you say I love you? Telling someone they are not alone?
Whether you say it for Valentine's Day or any other day doesn't really matter. Don't say it because of the chocolate hearts at the local store. Say it because it's Wednesday. Say it because we're still in winter and the cold has a way of creeping up on you. Say it just because.
I mean, if it's true, why would you keep silent? Why would you not give someone flowers or somehow show your affection? What have you got to do that's better or more important?
