It was here, in this community maybe, that I shared the story of how I had gone to an event only partly prepared(Which was no fault of mine), and had to do something I'dnever have chosen. Which was to engage in social activities.
UnsplashI am naturally shy. Or maybe I can say that I've been unsocial for the longest I remember. I'd always stayed in the background. I assumed I thrived better that way.
Public speaking gives me anxiety. I don't care if it's to speak to a young group, or ask a question, or answer a question, as long as I'd have to talk to anyone I wasn't conversant with or walk into a place with an unfamiliar face, it made me nervous. I would walk on the street and feel like everyone was looking at me and I'd miss a step, hoping that no one noticed. Being around people made me itchy. I hate to admit that it gets me scared but that is that That much didn't show though.
And that's why I always avoided situations where I'd be called upon to do anything that wasn't my normal. And although they complained sometimes,and let it slide at other times, family understood. I think so. But I met a hit with my sister.
I had gone to spend sometime with her. So on Sunday too, I went alongside to her church. Rather than go over to the main/adult church, I opted to stay at the teens department. She tried to talk me out of it but when I insisted, she let me have my way.
Why I went to that section was because; first, I don't like crowd and the place(as I had visited a certain time) was always full. All of the numbers get me dizzy. Then the loud music and sound was a no-no.
But importantly, I was avoiding getting some attention. Being noticed as a new face, or getting roped into talking during the young adults/unmarried folks Sunday school service and all of that. Teens section felt like an escape.
But I was wrong.
I got to the teen section to find that it was a mini version of the main section. With the teens handling the programme of event under supervision by some coordinators. I realized there were other young adults like myself who rather than go by the main section chose the place.
For a few Sundays, I had my peace. It was like I wanyed. Just me to myself. Get in, do my thing, and get out noiselessly. Then the attention came. Demands to do this or that which I flatly declined to. I had rifts with my sister, who I should mention was a teen cordinator too, because I declined her demands that I do something or another. I'd rather just be in the audience. Why was it so hard to understand? I got to doing backup for choruses and taking prayers once or twice and that was it. And those I only did because I knew she was hurt that I disobeyed her. Cause that could make the teens around there do same. I hadn't meant it so.
The main issue happened when it was announced that I'd be the one to take the sermon the coming Sunday. Me? I froze at the spot. In my head, I laughed, cause I was to visit my parents home by that weekend and that way, I could evade that assignment.
I went back home glad I had escaped that. Yet, I felt anxious. Very uncomfortable. The morning into Sunday, I could barely sleep well. My heartbeat raced. My sister's church was not so much of a distance from my parents place. All I needed was to take a bus. That morning, without giving myself up, I told my mum about teaching to a couple young persons and she encouraged me.
I got a daily devotional, opened to a passage that I had enjoyed one time and read through it. I didn't know how it's ho but I wanted to go and get the stuff done with.
Okay, I think I need to come out clean here. Truth is, my sister travelled that weekend and I would be more comfortable taking the sermon in her absence. I couldn't totally avoid taking it cause I was to go back to her place once she returned. You get?
I got around to preparing and heading down there. With how the service was going, I thought the supervisor had forgotten about his announcement until he called me up. I was terrified inspite of all the applause and cheers.
This was nothing like saying a short prayer or answering a question. I had to talk to all these young people and speak and encourage them. It made me tremble.
My hands shook, my voice quavered, I had to lean on the pulpit for support. I barely raised my head to look at people's faces. I was confused and fidgety, going through the little jotting I made and barely managing to make sense of the Bible passage we shared. It was difficult. Speaking publicly wasn't something I saw myself doing. I was too afraid to even think to think of it. My sermon was short and I don't know how I got through it.
Relief washed through me when I was done. Some of the teens whom I was cool with gave me their thoughts and observation about the time. I guess it wasn't so bad only I was fixed to a spot. It was only days later that I realized it wasn't as hard as I thought.
Almost negligible but that was the start of something for me. I think I started to do a few things around there, only sparingly. Just in bits. But I guess that helped ease me off around that group.
I don't feel as much fear and shyness around any group anymore. A lot has changed. I was just intentional about certain things in my life and put in some work years after that experience. But I can tell that it helped, somehow.
Thanks for gracing this post.
Greetings!