Difficult doesn't have to be

Dealing with difficulties can be...wait for it...

Difficult.

Dealing with difficult people can be...fucken horrendous...But it doesn't have to be.

We've all had to deal with difficult people and have probable been difficult people to deal with as well. I've had my share of experience with them, it's just part of being human and, in my case, I've been in leadership roles most of my life and navigating the minefield that people's personalities can be has been challenging. I've picked up a trick or two though and I figured I'd share a couple of them, things that have made the process of dealing with difficult people easier for me and have created better outcomes.

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Do not argue

This is arguably the most important - Being provoked into an argument is a ploy difficult people will use to destabilise you, diminish your confidence, manipulate or gaslight you. It's much better not to be drawn into an argument; the, "let's agree to disagree," phrase works sometimes, and sometimes it's best to simply acknowledge them (and their point of view). No matter what though, being drawn into an argument with a difficult person itching for an argument is a slippery slope.

Do not defend yourself

People want to be right and will often defend their "position" for that reason. Doing this with a difficult to deal with person is fraught with danger. They often use "logical arguments and strategically confrontational dialogues" to entangle a person and cause them to become defensive; it's a very poor position to be in. It doesn't diminish or invalidate your opinion or perspective if others don't agree with it and besides, *they're entitled to their own opinion just as you are. Getting into a defensive position will be used against you with great effect by a difficult to deal with person. If they think you're wrong that's ok and, keep in mind, you might actually be wrong! arguments.

Resist the urge to explain yourself

Difficult people are often very good at criticising other people's ideas, choices and decisions, opinions, ideals and perspectives leaving people feeling inclined to explain themselves, often in a bid to defuse the situation, however with difficult people it can pull one deeper into trouble and then the two points above can circle around and things become even worse. Explain one time, calmly and logically, then take the high road rather than dancing to the difficult person's music.

You don't need to justify, so don't

A difficult person, one who seeks to gain advantage or leverage through destabilising you, does not deserve justification but they'll want it and will goad you into giving it. Feeling like providing a reason for one's own opinions or choices gives them power and more to apply the other points above to, and the situation will go from bad to worse quickly. Confidently saying, "I am certain I have made the best choice," then shutting the fuck up is one phrase that can work however I usually don't go even that far.

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There's four little tricks I've learned laid out in a very basic way; there's a lot more to them but I want to keep things simple. As always, when I write posts like this they come with a disclaimer; these concepts will not suit every situation or person however if remembered at the right time they can save a lot of hassle, heartache and complication. I think it's wise to undifficultise the difficulties one can find through dealing with difficult people. (And before you argue with me...I know undifficultise is not a word.)

As someone who has led teams of various kinds across a few different professions, and has been around the block more than a few times, I can attest to the effectiveness of these basic concepts and others like them in respect of dealing with difficult people, but how about you? Have you ever had to deal with a difficult person? Have you been, or are you currently, a difficult person? Feel free to tell a story, share some thoughts or opinions if you'd like.