Today, I want to share with you the topic that @irenenavarroart gave for the Ladies of Hive Community Contest #203.
Sometimes the truth can be hard to process in various circumstances. Tell us about a truth in your life that you would rather ignore forever, if possible.
Even after more than a year, I am still refusing to accept the truth that my mother has passed away, and I find it extremely difficult to deal with different situations.
This is a reality in my life that, if I could, I would prefer to ignore forever.
A day without her feels similar to being by yourself in the dark. She is the reason my life shines every day, but right now, I find it difficult to accept that my sunshine has left me and that I will never be able to see it again.
I had believed for years that after my mother passed away, I would be utterly incapable of functioning. After that, I had no idea what my life would or could look like. It felt like I would have to disappear when she did, just as I never could have imagined what it would be like to cook food or even be an adult.
I just kept living; I didn't take any particular actions to avoid her death. The truth and the pain haven't fully reached me, and I doubt I ever will.
Even though it feels like we've lost her for eternity most days, there are still moments when I wake up and forget she's not here. It hurts so much, too.
I wish I could ignore the fact that my greatest love is no longer with me, but it is tough to accept the truth.
I rely on my mother every day; she is essential to everything I do and everywhere I go.
I feel like my mom passed away yesterday these days. I am dealing with my grief head-on these days as if I had just stepped back into those gloomy post-motherhood days.
It's incredible how quickly I forget things that happened yesterday. However, I can still clearly recall every agonizing detail of my mother's final days, her death, and the dreadful days that followed.
Time hasn't made the difficult days any easier. Time hasn't been able to fill the hole left by my mom's passing.
My mother will never meet my children and won't be present at my wedding, and no amount of time can make up for that. Time will not be able to erase the fact that I will always miss my mother.
The most significant person in my life was my mother. She was my mother; she loved me without conditions. I'm sure I'll never forget her. I'm aware that I will always miss her. If it weren't for the love my mom and I shared and the suffering I went through when we had to say goodbye to her, I don't think I would be who I am today.
The absence of my mother cannot be resolved by time.
But I am still hoping that the day will come when I will face and process the truth that she was already gone.