Family, Friends, Career, Health.
Without much time to think, these are the categories my client chose as the most important aspects of his life, and which should take his attention. He also mentioned Finance in there also, but decided to lump that together with career for the sake of this conversation.
Now, I think that these are a pretty good representation for most people in terms of areas that they consider important, or at least there is a lot of overlap. However, what my client found when I encouraged him to elaborate and expand on these, the answers weren't as forthcoming. Not because he was hiding them, but because he just didn't know.
And I believe this is representative also.
For example, many people will cite "family" as being one of, if not the most important thing in their lives, yet when pressed, struggle to identify exactly why this is the case. It is more like it is being regurgitated from society, as if there is an expectation that this is what is meant to be valued and said, without examination.
The unexamined life.
And, this is where our discussion led, where he realized that while he had a clear picture of the larger buckets, he hadn't spent time breaking them down into smaller pieces to understand why they are important to him. And, then because he doesn't have clarity in these areas, he also realized that he isn't able to make anything actionable. He can't plan ahead, he can't evaluate what is and isn't working, and he can't understand them in context with each other.
I also pointed out, was that because he isn't able to visualize these things well, he also doesn't know if he has conflicts in his actions, whether something he is doing in one category, is conflicting with something he is doing in another.
However, what I was surprised to discover, was that he keeps a daily journal, where he writes a handful of lines about his day, and anything that stood out. He has been doing this for over four years now, and will soon finish his 5 year journal book. This is fantastic, and as I told him, if I could click my fingers and get everyone to write daily, the world would soon become a better place.
He also "felt bad" about it, as what he realized when reading them back, is that most of the things in there are about himself, his wants, and how he sees the situation at the time. But, this is the point of journaling, it is an exploration of the self, and it gives that time and space, as well as the privacy many need, to dive deeper and discover what lays beneath.
It really is only once we know ourselves well enough and understand our motivations and desires, that we are equipped with some tools to expand our awareness out to others, otherwise we are more likely to do more harm, than good. Because, we would be walking on assumptions and defaults, using our "intuition" as to what feels tight, must be right. Which is often, not the case at all.
So, what I suggested for my client to try, is to go a little deeper, and reflect a little further, without having to dramatically change anything. Firstly, I asked him whether he had a framework for his journal entry, or is it whatever sort of came to mind. Then, I recommended that once a week, he reviews his entries for the last seven days, and then reflects on them. Except, instead of thinking about what he has done, reflect on the week gone sectioned out into his four areas of importance, and how his activities have been helpful or detrimental to them in some way.
What this does is gives him a tool to use as a compass to self-direct and change course earlier, than he would otherwise, as he builds more knowledge into himself, behaviors, and outcomes. It is a reflection tool, but it doubles as a prediction and potentially prescriptive tool also, where he will be able to see where he is heading, as well as work through ways to better approach it. And, because it is done weekly, he wouldn't have gone too far off course, or too far down the wrong path, to make a change.
What we should acknowledge, that untrained and blind default behaviors, are rarely going to beneficial to ourselves, or those around us. They might feel right, but that is more about familiarity, than suitability. If we don't take a step back at least from time to time, we can end up in some places that we don't want to be, and thought we'd never end up. No child dreams of being poor, untalented, or a drug addict when they grow up. Yet, very few children build the skills they need to reach their potential.
And no parent dreams this for their child.
A lot of people are unable to "find the time" to sit down with themselves and write consistently, yet the same person is able to find the time to read the news, scroll multiple social feeds, or play games for hours on end.
Whatever tickles your fancy....
Is it getting us closer to what we say is important to us?
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]