After today’s session I feel like I want to say yes… as much as such a thing is possible.
It’s not so much that we agree on everything. But I feel like he really understands me deeply.
He’s provided such safety for me. Today I was aware of a few feelings in real time and sharing them with him… just like that. Talking about how parts of me want x and other parts of me think x would be a bad idea.
I casually spoke about a way he was misattuned to me in a previous session… because it turns out I’d left out key information (not intentionally) so he was about guaranteed to get it wrong… and how that getting it wrong actually provided the clarity I needed, which led to me emailing him with more complete information, which led to him now having the clarity he needed to keep helping me in that particular matter.
I can talk about him getting it wrong, being misattuned, and know that he won’t even flinch. He’s got the space for it. He’s just so fascinated all the time by how my various experiences with him play out for me, the things I think and feel, and all the patterns therein.
I feel like we’ve hit this point where it’s clear to me we’re two separate individuals with two completely different sets of thoughts, feelings, opinions and skills. I know that M’s perspective on our work doesn’t 100% match mine, but he’s also on the other side of it so that makes sense. I’m more aware that he has his own life and stuff about him that is uniquely his, that I’m not part of. I no longer see him as some kind of extension of me. For example, I see him a bit rattled after coming to session ten minutes late (rare and he owned it and made it right so no problem there), so I ask him, “You good?” giving him that extra second to finish composing himself and get our session off to a good start. I recognize that his expression of being rattled has nothing to do with me—his own feelings, well regulated, separate from mine. This feels liberating… and unifying… at the same time.