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Breakups are already tough, but seeing your ex find someone new before you've had a chance to move on can feel even more difficult and heartbreaking. If you're facing this situation, here are a few things to keep in mind:
Remind Yourself of the Negatives
This is one instance where it’s okay to focus on the negative aspects of your past relationship. Over time, it’s natural to remember your ex in a more positive light. We tend to forget how bad things might have been or how much we suffered, and we may even blame ourselves for much more than we should. While it's healthy to acknowledge any role you played in the relationship’s challenges, keep in mind that the breakup wasn’t entirely your fault. Dwelling too much on self-blame might lead you to believe that you could have made the relationship work when, in reality, you likely couldn’t.
Their New Partner Isn't Getting "The Best Version" of Them
It’s easy to feel like all the effort you invested in your relationship is now benefiting someone else. Perhaps you taught your ex things or helped them grow, and it may seem like their new partner is reaping all the rewards. Initially, that might appear to be the case. But remember, if they didn’t take the time to make meaningful changes, they’re likely bringing the same patterns and issues into their new relationship. In many cases, rebound relationships form quickly and lack depth, so their new partner is probably experiencing the same behavior you did. While every relationship brings out slightly different dynamics, their fundamental personality remains the same. No relationship is a perfect upgrade, and every partner has their own pros and cons. It’s likely that your ex still remembers certain things about you fondly, despite how things ended.
You Couldn't Have Changed the Outcome
It’s natural to reflect on what you could have done differently to prevent the breakup. However, in most cases, the outcome would have been the same. Relationships require effort from both sides, and breakups usually occur because both parties contribute to the issues, not just one person. Hindsight may be 20/20, but at the time, you didn’t have the perspective you do now. Even if you had approached things differently, their behavior or lack of compatibility might have still led to the same result. The timing may have varied, but the fundamental incompatibility likely remained.
They Probably Aren’t Better Off
If your ex hasn’t addressed the underlying issues in their personality or behavior, they likely aren’t better off in their new relationship. Some people experience "grass is greener" syndrome, believing the next relationship will be better—only to discover it’s not. If your ex seems overly active on social media, showing off their new partner, they could be overcompensating. While it’s tempting to look, avoiding their posts is healthier for your emotional well-being. Until they work on themselves, they’ll bring the same unresolved issues into every relationship. If they were toxic or hurtful to you, chances are, they’re treating their new partner similarly.
Avoid Rebounds
Many people turn to rebound relationships as a way to heal, but it’s often better to stay single and focus on your own growth. A rebound might provide a temporary distraction, but it can ultimately feel like a waste of time—and it risks hurting someone else if they expect a long-term commitment. If the motivation for a rebound is to make your ex jealous, it may backfire. This tactic is common enough that most people can see right through it, which could come across as insecure or desperate instead of rekindling your ex’s interest.
Breakups are painful, and watching your ex move on can intensify those feelings. But by focusing on your own healing, avoiding toxic thought patterns, and giving yourself time to process, you’ll come out stronger and more prepared for a future relationship that truly serves you.